poly/mono advice needed
My partner and I have been in a committed realatiosnhiop for 8 years. 3 years ago we started swinging to add some variation and excitement to our lives. This worked for a while but then my partner asked about finding a single girl. At the time I was open to this as I have a much lower sex drive and I thought this would satisfy his needs better. He found one and our situation has now evolved into something more like Poly as he cares for this girl as well. To him this is better as he did not like the randomness of swinging and prefers to have feelings for someone. However I do not think we have gone about it the right way; I did not know he cared for this girl until it was too late. Last night he told me that he had been seeing her on Mondays while I was at work without my knowing ( and it had already been discussed that I was not comfortable with him seeing her while I was at work as to me it did not seem fair that I am working while he is hanging out with her; he works but has his own business and can manipulate his schedule and right now does not have full time work as I do.). The original terms were for her to see him once a week and all 3 of us to hang out every other weekend. Now he is letting me know that he did Mondays without my knowledge as that was not enough time with her. I am trying to be fair and open minded and really need to hear from some poly people about how they deal with time issues. he wants everything to be 50/50 between me and her but I feel like I've got 8 years in with my partner and am now pretty much being told this is the situation I have to deal with to continue to make us work. He is very clear that he does not want to lose me but feels like this is who he is. Any advice you could offer us would be greatly appreciated as I am really afraid that this is going to break us up and I don't want that.