Safe Sex - Standards, Practices, Information & Resources

[Anneintherain]

Originally Posted by leslie

I have a question about herpes. My partner has just begun a relationship with a trans woman who has herpes. My partner has a pretty active case of psoriasis with sores on his legs and arms. Psoriasis is not a contagious disease, but I am concerned about the partner with Herpes infecting my partner.
I am trying to get good information about this, but find everything a bit overwhelming. Somethings say people have inactive herpes, but you can still get infected, even if it is not an active case. I am confused. Any thoughts about how they can have safe sex?

I have to say that there is no way to have completely safe sex. It is easier for a man to give HSV-2 to a woman than vice versa. I "assume" that might go for a trans woman also, as it's somewhat about the amount of area coming into contact during intercourse.

Has your partner been tested for HSV already? up to 80% of people with HSV-2 don't know they have it. Antivirals help decrease transmission a lot, and a study they are doing now at the U of W (not published/finished yet I believe) shows that a daily isn't useful, but if you take it something like 12 hours before intercourse it will help prevent shedding during sex (in case they don't want to take it daily.) Hopefully that gets published soon.


Some of the better sites for information are
http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herp...ex_1_and_2.htm

This one goes over the amount of risk from different activities
http://www.ahmf.com.au/patients/cond...n-and-safe-sex

What seems to be a poly-ish thread on a discussion board about it.
http://yabetterknow.tribe.net/thread...1-a6222d8d7bc7

One thing it says in there that I've seen (I think it was more like 1.7% but I can't seem to find the studies)

"I've heard people tell me after the fact that they didn't want to worry me by telling me they had HSV-2 when we were having protected sex because the risk was only 2% per incident when there is no outbreak and a condom is used during penis-vagina sex. I don't know where this 2% number comes from, but I've heard it more than once."

[TommyTao]

Quick little tip I've found to work.

1. open new condom
2. unroll condom to full length
3. get scissors/clean sharp object
4. cut away both ends of condom
5. unroll "cut" condom
6. WOOHOO!!! you have a dental dam

I'm a bit of a health freak, hope this helps someone


P.S. If you use a flavored condom you get a flavored dental dam

[Magdlyn]

Just had my 2nd STI test last week. Got results of gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia yesterday. I'm clean. UPS didnt deliver my blood to the lab in time for the HIV test to work, so I had to get repoked yesterday, and now wait 2 more weeks for results.

I had a 4some with my gf, my boytoy and an ex gf of my gf's in Jan '11. Got tested in March and was clean. We used condoms for intercourse then, but I did have a little oral contact with the woman, who is a swinger and a bit sketchy. So, I am glad to know I'm still clean...

Since then, I had sex with several other people, men. (Plus my gf, with whom I am fluid bonded.) She had sex with 3 other people, just unprotected oral and hands with 2 of them, a woman and a transman (one session only) and several sessions with a guy, protected intercourse and unprotected oral.

This year, besides gf, I had sex with 3 men. With the Hottie, only 2 or 3 sessions, unprotected oral and condoms for intercourse. With the Gentleman, 2 sessions of protected intercourse and a lot of oral (he has ED and couldnt manage intercourse much).

With the Ginger, since January, lots of protected intercourse and lots of oral. My goal is to become fluid bonded with him, so I am glad I am testing clean. He is married and uses condoms with his wife of 25 years because, even though she is in her late 50s, she is still cycling. He has no other partners now (nor does his wife) and neither does my gf.

I know miss pixi and I were taking a slight risk having unprotected oral sex with others. But it seems we did OK.

I went to the STI clinic at my health clinic. It felt kind of weird, as a 56 year old woman, telling the young counselor (looked like a late 20s guy) about all the partners I've had this year. I wonder what he thought... Women of my age aren't supposed to be gettin it on with so many people! lol I'm supposed to be knitting and rocking my grandchildren. It was kind of surreal.

[CielDuMatin]

There is a "slight risk" just with kissing someone, or even having skin-to-skin contact, but most folks say that this is acceptable. And that's the key - there's no such thing as "safe" it's all about acceptable risks for the benefits you get...

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

I went to the STI clinic at my health clinic. It felt kind of weird, as a 56 year old woman, telling the young counselor (looked like a late 20s guy) about all the partners I've had this year. I wonder what he thought... Women of my age aren't supposed to be gettin it on with so many people! lol I'm supposed to be knitting and rocking my grandchildren. It was kind of surreal.

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Two of my coworkers, both in their early 20s, were talking about sex yesterday. I made a few comments and one asked me if I was married. I said, "No, I'm separated but I have lovers," and at the word "lovers" he got all bashful, turned red, and said, "Oh alright, alright" as if to say, "Oh, shut up, don't tell me that!" So strange to think that sex is only for the young and limber - what about all of us old and creaky folk?

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Two of my coworkers, both in their early 20s, were talking about sex yesterday. I made a few comments and one asked me if I was married. I said, "No, I'm separated but I have lovers," and at the word "lovers" he got all bashful, turned red, and said, "Oh alright, alright" as if to say, "Oh, shut up, don't tell me that!" So strange to think that sex is only for the young and limber - what about all of us old and creaky folk?

sigh... I hate ageism. It's funny to think that people past 40 still can have strong sex drives though. In the media, we are fed only images of 20 and 30somethings having hot sex. Older people being sexy and fucking away like bunnies seems to be such an alien concept in our culture! I guess people imagine peri/post-menopausal women are all dried up down there, and all men have erectile dysfunction.

Couldn't be further from the truth in the majority of cases, is what I am finding out. Plus, older people have great experience and really some mad skillz in bed (couch, bar, car, woods, garage, floor, basement, kitchen, loft, museum, dungeon, library, porch, lake, back of the shop...).

Anyway, off topic! Maybe we need a separate thread about poly people past 40 having tons of hot sex and good good lovin'!

[newtoday]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

sigh... I hate ageism. It's funny to think that people past 40 still can have strong sex drives though. In the media, we are fed only images of 20 and 30somethings having hot sex. ......

Anyway, off topic! Maybe we need a separate thread about poly people past 40 having tons of hot sex and good good lovin'!

HA! That would be a hot thread.

I would say that those of us 40+ have probably never had better sex than what we are having now.

The confidence and assurance in oneself that this matured age brings really pays off!!! AND it's wonderful exercise.

[LovingRadiance]

I haven't hit 40 yet (Maca has) . But, I know my father in law is in his 60s and going strong-as is his wife who is the same age group. They live in New York City and they're swingers. They complain to me frequently about people thinking that "at their age" they'd rather go play golf.
LOL!
Totally ridiculous! They'd like a good romp at least every day!

[Tonberry]

I remember when I worked in a bookstore, and many regulars were older women (middle aged or seniors) who bought erotica books. What always stuck me was that they didn't buy just one book, they'd get 10. We did have a "trade 2 books for one of the same price" thing, so a lot would show up with a basket full off books they had finished, and then get the same amount and pay for half of them, rinse and repeat.
I find it silly to think your sex life just ends when you get older than the average movie star.