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Old 07-17-2012, 10:37 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 624
Default First poly-related issue...

So, Keith has been chatting with this woman (T) for a few months... She doesn't live in the country, and neither of them ever have any plans to move from their country of origin, so they both know (in theory) that it's not going to be anything serious but they really seem to like each other and she has been talking about wanting to travel to the US anyway so they may meet sometime in the next year.

This weekend, he was cranky. The entire weekend. Saturday night we went to a swingers meet and greet, so I had gotten all dolled up, shaved my legs (like, the entire leg - not just what shows in shorts lol), and was in a frisky mood. We didn't meet anyone that we much cared for (I didn't expect to - all the people there were about 20 years our senior), so I figured we'd have some fun when we got home. I try to start something, he isn't in the mood. We have a movie marathon and just chill. I try to start something again, still nothing.

We decided to just hang out doing our own things together - I was on the computer or reading while he was on his tablet talking to T. Well, she was apparently feeling kind of down, then got horny, and started trying to initiate cyber sex with him. He tried to dissuade her without actually saying "no" until he finally brought it up to me. I said it was no big deal, do whatever, but he decided it would be awkward to be in the same room as me so he went into our bedroom, shut the door, and proceeded to have cyber sex with her for over an hour and a half.

During this time, I tried to go to sleep on the couch. Failed. Tried to entertain myself online. Failed - I'd pretty much exhausted my interests earlier in the night. Finally it was light enough that I went for a walk. When I got back a half hour later, nothing. He hadn't even come out of the room to see where I went. So I start to take a shower. At this point, I was frustrated. We'd planned to go to breakfast at dawn, and he was MIA because he was too wrapped up in cyber fucking when he had turned down in real life fucking with me at least twice earlier in the night.

So, I'm frustrated. I know he's still in that "show only the good"/borderling NRE without the actual relationship phase with T, but he had been being an ass to me ALL WEEKEND. We've been having sex MAYBE once a week (which is really rare since it's usually at least once a day), so I was frustrated that when I finally had a libido he "wasn't in the mood" but as soon as he got encouragement from someone online he was all about going in the other room and masturbating to her naked pictures.

Now, I don't want him to touch me which I know is ridiculous, I don't want him to talk to her which is even more ridiculous, and I basically just want to make him suffer for rejecting me. Terrible, right?

Oh, and the thing that I think really made this whole cyber sex thing not okay with me at this point was that she didn't realize he was married! She knew he was in a relationship, but he had never specifically said he was married. She was disappointed because she apparently kind of thought that if they met in a few months and hit it off, he'd be willing to leave me to go live with her or at least marry her and keep me in a secondary role.

Ugh! I really don't have anything against her. She'd never even heard of poly until she started talking to him, so it's not really her fault that she doesn't get it or think she would be satisfied with it since she does want to get married and have kids and all that someday. It just frustrates me that he isn't clear about things like our relationship, that I got all the bad (the pissy side) for 2 days while the good (the supportive, always trying to make you feel special side) was focused entirely on someone else, and that I am even letting this bother me in the first place. I mean, as much as they talk about what they're going to do when they actually get to go on a date, the likelihood of it ever happening is slim.

Now Keith feels terrible because I feel terrible. He's trying to figure out what he could do to make me feel better about the situation, and I really don't know what to tell him. He didn't do anything wrong. I told him it was fine. I know he lacks the ability to think about me when he's in a situation like that (he'll think enough to not break any rules, but he won't think about how what he is doing is affecting me right at that moment - like not even noticing the door or the shower starting or any of that even though it was happening 10 feet away from him). None of this should have surprised me.

I just feel rejected and fat and I've felt like a failure for weeks since I haven't even gotten so much a call about any of the many, many jobs I've applied for. It is just not my week, apparently.

Rant over. Any comments, advice, or virtual bitch slaps for my ridiculousness are welcome.

Last edited by km34; 07-17-2012 at 11:08 AM.
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