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  #11  
Old 04-03-2010, 06:50 PM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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Well, dating marrieds...

This week I got word that my car needs repairs that will cost far more than the vehicle is worth and I should really look for a new one, at a time when my savings are down due to expensive dental work. And my microwave died, and my grown son is pestering me for petty cash.

Then my married GF, L, told me that our weekly date night needed to be Friday instead of Saturday. But I had just signed up for a dance class on Fridays which took the center out of the evening. And she had appointments earlier in the day which precluded an afternoon date. She asked if she should pressure her husband, D, to change plans but I said no, don't push -- you guys are the central pillar, and I don't ever want to disturb that. But I was disappointed.

Bummer week.

So out of the blue L calls and says how about seeing her twice this week? D himself suggested she and I have a proper date night on Thursday, and since she still wanted to be out of the house while he had his date, maybe she could come to the dance lesson with me?

Well, YEAH!

So right now on Saturday morning I'm seriously happy: I cooked a nice dinner and we watched a movie on Thursday, then on Friday we ate at a restaurant and danced and had a late evening that ended in a wonderful heart-to-heart pillow talk session.

These people! Their love and generosity overwhelms me. And it confirms my belief in the feedback loop: because the central relationship between L and D makes so much possible for me, it's natural that I want to support it wholeheartedly; and since I strongly support their marriage they seem inclined to be generous in giving me time with L.

Everybody wins.

I suppose that my "wisdom" (ha!) as an starry-eyed n00b dating a married poly would come down to that: Build it such that everybody can win.

Easier said than done, I suppose. God, I'm lucky.

Last edited by EugenePoet; 04-03-2010 at 07:04 PM.
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  #12  
Old 04-03-2010, 07:52 PM
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I think Mono would share the same experience eugenepoet, although it hasn't been like that for a few weeks and I am very frustrated. He gives and gives and gives to us and circumstances have made it such that our private time is limited. Working on it.
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  #13  
Old 04-04-2010, 12:21 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think Mono would share the same experience eugenepoet, .
Yup! Very lucky to be a part of this with you both. I can't see this working with anything less than what we have as a family. And now..I'm coming over!!
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  #14  
Old 04-04-2010, 03:01 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Women are so much more work!

Seriously, though (OK, I was being serious before) RP, Enjoy your abundance of love and be careful not to lose sight of the fact that you are so well-loved that there isn't time enough in a day to drink it all in.

I am especially excited for the two of you because I know you have desired a special woman in your life, and you are all friends. I'm sure its frustrating to feel blocked, though. Hugs to you and Derby, you too. I'm with Y-envious.

-R
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  #15  
Old 04-04-2010, 05:14 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Polynerdist has a great view of time. He says sometimes it works out that it "is our time" where circumstances allow for an abundance with one partner. Next month I will be heading across the country for two weeks for my job. This will create some time for other people in Redpepper's life. This will essentially be "not our time". So instead of focussing on the negative of my absence, there is the positive outlook of focussing on other peoples' availability with abundance
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  #16  
Old 07-14-2012, 03:51 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Had a series of interesting conversations with Dude over the last few months re: being with a married woman.

I believe it started with a conversation of wedding rings. I was surprised to learn that he actually consciously notices whether a woman he is interested in talking to is wearing a ring or not. I seriously NEVER pay attention to this - if I am interested in talking to someone I talk to them. It seriously never occurred to me that there may have been instances where someone may have approached me if I wasn't wearing my wedding band and then decided against it. My gut feeling is that, since I am never "actively looking" for a potential partner marital status is irrelevant - just looking for a good conversation, whereas, when he is operating in "single guy mode" each encounter for him was rated for "potential partnerness".

Recently it occurred to him that he should probably re-evaluate this strategy - since every time he has actually been involved with a married women (with the full knowledge and consent of her husband - although he never heard the word "polyamory" until he met me) it has worked out REALLY well (I am the 3rd married girl he has been with - the first two sound more like FB/FWB situations), while his "single-girl" experiences have universally ended poorly. My take is that happily married women have already learned how to have/maintain a "good" relationship and bring this "skill set" to the table. (Go us! )

As an aside - for the first few months of our relationship I held him at a distance - being convinced that this could only be temporary until he found a "real girl" of his own. He has now convinced me that he is in it for the long haul and has no intention of going anywhere in the near future. He is open to the idea of seeing other people but only if they are okay with us continuing our relationship. I did point out that this will severely limit his dating pool - he says he doesn't care. (Now, if he finds other married women open to dating him I think this greatly increases the chances that they would be ok with him continuing to see me - I just don't know how many of us are around in our area .)

JaneQ

PS. Good thing resurrecting old threads isn't frowned upon here
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  #17  
Old 07-14-2012, 05:20 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
PS. Good thing resurrecting old threads isn't frowned upon here
Better yet, it's encouraged! Much preferred to add to an old thread than ask the same questions over and over in new threads! I like that about this forum. There can be such great info when we look back a little at what others have struggled with before.

As to the topic, the potential for dating married people always makes me a little apprehensive, just because I know there will be rules or boundaries they have that will affect me. So, until I know what they are and whether I can live with them, I tend to hold back in feeling any attraction toward a married guy.
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Last edited by nycindie; 07-14-2012 at 05:26 PM.
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