Sorry you are feeling this way.
No answers or advise - just sitting with you via the internet.
I recall a description in a book I read where someone was able to see connections between people (I read a lot of sci-fi - I'm thinking the Homecoming series by Orson Scott Card) and there was this passage where they were describing that there were all of these lines of energy - connections between people - leading to this person but they were cut off just at the point where they would be touching the person. So all the lines were there but the person couldn't see/feel them and felt isolated.
Maybe the lines are there and there is something unresolved that is affecting your perception? Are your people talking to you in "love languages" that you don't hear so well? Are there other people/things/activities you can turn to for the peace that you find with GG so you can appreciate the energy from Maca more? We often read here that one argument for poly is that one person can't be "everything" for another person. Perhaps it is also that one person can be "that thing" (their part) for a person ALL of the time?
Just some random thoughts from a sympathetic stranger. I don't let too many people into my life - so when one of my people is "off" for some reason it ripples through everything.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
|commitment, family oriented, love, lovingradiance, progress, v formation, vee dynamics|