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  #31  
Old 12-01-2009, 10:36 PM
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...one more thought.

No matter how consentual it is, sex for the sake of having another body to press against, for the sake of a good orgasm or whatever other reasons people have sex without emotional attachment... to me feels like a huge insult. More than that, it feels like an assault.

My body is a temple.

Certain things without a deep emotional bond I can do: I can kiss strangers, make out with them, hug them.

Sexual energy can be twisted. It can be used to punish, hurt, manipulate, dominate or drain energy from. So can kissing, but it's easy to get out of a kiss that feels "unpure". It's much more difficult to disentangle with a person's energy once things have gone that far.

Sex is energetic to me. Life for me is about connecting with people, getting into their world and exploring with an open heart and a lot of love. I can't do that very easily without knowing a person. So, I can't have sex without knowing a person.

I've always had trouble bringing myself to orgasm because what makes me cum is the energy exchange with someone else. Their smell, the unique way they engage with someone outside of themself.

Performing an act as sacred as sex, for me, feels like trampling through a labyrinth without respecting the path layed out for me to walk. Or walking into a temple while others are praying with muddy boots and a loud voice.

I am able to have sex with 'D' because I know she cares about me first and foremost. I know that my essence is respected. But, I don't get how she is able to fuck without emotional connection.
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  #32  
Old 12-01-2009, 11:16 PM
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You are so like me in this way roly. That must be very strange for you to understand. I know I don't get it either now. I don't think I ever did really. I love your words about this. Thanks for them
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  #33  
Old 12-01-2009, 11:38 PM
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I find kissing on the mouth and swapping spit to be a more "intimate exchange of energy" than genital contact, with or without orgasms. I didn't always feel this way about it, and I do recognize that there are certain diseases that are peculiar to either form of contact; but it is what it is for me.
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  #34  
Old 12-02-2009, 04:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
You are so like me in this way roly. That must be very strange for you to understand. I know I don't get it either now. I don't think I ever did really. I love your words about this. Thanks for them
It is strange for me to understand how we're similar or how others can swing and I can't? (I'm guessing the latter).

I've read your words about the same thing and relate a lot to how you describe it for yourself as well. So, so nice to meet kindred spirits surrounding this. I've often felt different in this area in my life.

YGirl, you remind me of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. The kissing thing.
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  #35  
Old 12-02-2009, 12:48 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
YGirl, you remind me of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. The kissing thing.
Yes, people say that a lot. That was a very popular movie.

But she was a hooker and that rule against kissing was a "business protocol".

Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-02-2009 at 12:50 PM.
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  #36  
Old 12-03-2009, 04:14 AM
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Default poly or swinging

http://www.polyfamilies.com/polyswing.html

Cool take on the difference that I haven't seen noted quite this way before. I like it!!
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  #37  
Old 12-03-2009, 04:41 AM
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Huh. Based on my own experiences, I dn't necessarily agree with that story.
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  #38  
Old 12-03-2009, 04:57 AM
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Personally, I think the antipathy between "poly" and "swinging" is kind of... I dunno the word. I want to say collectivist, but it's not what I mean.

When I first began exploring myself, I connected with a poly group in my soon-to-be area. They had a heavy emphasis on children and families, and seemed defensive that I'd consider sex to be a big part of my relationships.

It didn't lead me to feel very comfortable and welcomed.

And with the variety of relationships that exist in the poly world, I think classifying swinging versus poly sort of shuts the door. My wife once thought she'd engage in casual sex with other people, but she pretty soon found that it's emotional.

My push towards poly was spurred by the desire to break from the "burden of one". My wife was my best friend, financial partner, lover, emotional support, and all of that. There are some things that two unique people can't provide for each other, and opening yourself to relationships as they work for the people involved is everything poly is about to me.

If I had a sex partner that I trusted intimately, but didn't contribute to my finances and share my hobbies, I'd not consider them any "different" than my partners who shared their sex life and companionship with me, but didn't fill the other roles of my life. Each aspect of my relationships serve a purpose based on how we interact. I'd still call it poly if the person or persons I'm involved with were a part of my sex life but not really present elsewhere since that's the relationship I entered into.
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  #39  
Old 12-03-2009, 05:12 AM
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My closest "open minded friends" here at home are both (couples) sets, swingers (or have been for the most part).
I don't really care one way or the other.

BUT I do like that she put it in terms that were not
"poly is good and swinging is bad" or
"poly is love and swinging is sex"


I like getting different perspectives and ways of describing things.

I've had a poly-family my whole life because of location. But not due to sexual involvement among members.

BUT at the same time I am a VERY sexual person and can't fathom why Maca married his first wife knowing she didn't perform as he needed in that area (cause i sure wouldn't).
Yes-I am DEFINATELY pro-kids, would'nt have any if it weren't for my great sex life though... ok-well one wasn't sex so I would only have the 2 year old!!!!!!
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  #40  
Old 12-03-2009, 05:20 AM
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Quote:
BUT I do like that she put it in terms that were not
"poly is good and swinging is bad" or
"poly is love and swinging is sex"
But she did umply that if you don't feel that connection with your partner's kids or want to reinvent yourself in your partner's life, then you're not really poly, you're just a swinger.

The part that really bothered me was this:
Quote:
Poly partners want to grow closer in their relationships with others, often until the lines of distinction between the "old" pair and the "new" pair are completely blurred to all outside determination
I very very VERY strongly disagree with that. It's certainly not what *I* want in my poly relationships.
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