Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 07-11-2012, 01:20 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 505
Default Mono secondaries, feeling love?

I saw no good way to sum up my question in the title better than that.

So let me try to explain better what I mean.

I ran into a friend tonight and told her a bit about what's going on with BF. She asked if I feel butterflies in my stomach when I'm with him.

No. I don't.

I don't really know what I feel and it bothers me. I know I love every minute with him and enjoy everything we do. I trust him completely. I respect him a great deal, in his profession and in his personal character. I like him. I look forward to seeing him again, and never want to leave when it's time to head home. I think about him in the days in between and even if it's only 24 hours until I see him again, it seems like a long time; I count the hours. I'm distracted thinking about him.

I feel I'm becoming a better person as a result of our relationship. Our relationship has become emotionally intense--I recently found myself crying in the wake of a conversation we had, but they were 'healing tears,' not because I was upset or hurt.

Yet I don't feel 'in love.' I don't feel infatuated. I don't think I feel NRE.

It bothers me because I've known him for a long time and always knew there would be an attraction between us if we were both available (although we never so much as flirted; but I knew it was there); and now that we are, I'm not feeling what I expected to.

I wonder if it's that I'm just really not in love; other times, I worry that after a marriage full of lies and cheating, I've lost the ability to love. And often I suspect I'm refusing to fall in love with him and really let myself feel that because I only see a painful ending as a result.

I would love to hear some feedback from others in this position as to whether you held back and resisted feeling more for your poly SO.
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:20 AM.