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  #461  
Old 07-10-2012, 04:23 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Happy for you and totally understand. *hugs* Glad to see that you are both starting to be able to explore more.
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  #462  
Old 07-10-2012, 05:36 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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TGIB has been involved in some D/s situations with other people, but it's not something he and I are interested in much for our relationship, so I both do and don't "get it".

However, I don't think anyone has to "get it" to see how happy it made you. That comes through in every sentence and makes me so happy for you!
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  #463  
Old 07-11-2012, 02:20 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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I finally got a chance to read your fanfic and let me say -- very well done!

I'm sorry to read about the recent frustration, but your latest post was yay. Sounds like things are moving along slowly but surely.
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  #464  
Old 07-12-2012, 03:09 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
I totally get this. Mm, happy for you
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
Happy for you and totally understand. *hugs* Glad to see that you are both starting to be able to explore more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
TGIB has been involved in some D/s situations with other people, but it's not something he and I are interested in much for our relationship, so I both do and don't "get it".

However, I don't think anyone has to "get it" to see how happy it made you. That comes through in every sentence and makes me so happy for you!
You guys are the best, seriously. TGIG, I especially appreciate the sentiment of yours that I bolded above, the world would be a better place if everyone had that perspective!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenMom View Post
I finally got a chance to read your fanfic and let me say -- very well done!

I'm sorry to read about the recent frustration, but your latest post was yay. Sounds like things are moving along slowly but surely.
Ah, awesome! It makes me so happy that people are enjoying it. ^_^

And yes, on the whole I'm far more excited than frustrated about where things are right now.

I was thinking today about the evolution of my relationship with Gia. First she was my friend. Then she was my friend and lover. Then she was my friend and lover and partner. Now, if things keep going this way, she'll be all those things and also my dominant. With each new layer, there have been new things to discover, new dimensions. Each new piece of our relationship builds on what's come before.
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  #465  
Old 07-12-2012, 05:14 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I was thinking today about the evolution of my relationship with Gia. First she was my friend. Then she was my friend and lover. Then she was my friend and lover and partner. Now, if things keep going this way, she'll be all those things and also my dominant. With each new layer, there have been new things to discover, new dimensions. Each new piece of our relationship builds on what's come before.
Yeah! I've always experienced the development of a friendship like this as a "friends and more" rather than a "more than friends". The latter seems to imply that friendship has been transcended, or it's a different track, somehow... Whereas the first (to me) feels more of a layering, with friendship as the core. Regardless, I love that this phenomenon seems quite common. Many people speak of their closest loves as their best friends.
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  #466  
Old 07-17-2012, 04:14 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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It was an interesting weekend. A bunch of us, including G, E, B, and I, went to a 24-hour spa, having gotten cheap admission via an online deal. I got to hold Bee as he played in the kids' pool for a while, which was incredibly cute.

It was a *great* experience in many ways, but it also exposed some fault lines. Gia was with Bee most of the time, and it wore on her. She snapped at Eric. He, in turn, got grumpy and didn't want to stay the full time, which upset her further. She confessed to me and another friend that she and he have been having a very hard time communicating lately and that she's growing increasingly frustrated. I offered that I could perhaps babysit more to give them more space to themselves, but she replied that at the same time they want and need that space, they also miss their child every minute he's away from them. :/

There were quiet sleeping areas at the spa, one for men and one for women, and, late in the evening, Gia accepted my offer to take Bee to the women's area in his carrier and rest with him. He and I fell asleep. At some point I was woken up by Gia coming to collect him. I felt vaguely bereft, but too tired to think to do anything about it, like follow her. This is sort of the heart of what makes this relationship hardest for me -- feeling so connected to them and yet being apart. She told me she'd come back to let me know if/when they were leaving, which she did at another point in the night. Later I found out that Eric had been unable to sleep without the two of them and so they had relocated to another room, but Bee had been unable to sleep there, so in the end they'd gone home at 4:30am. Kinda miserable for them.

Our other friends had left the night before, so in the morning it was just me. I enjoyed the rest of the 24 hours on my own, but I was worried about my peeps, and missed them.

The next day I tried to arrange some time alone with Gia for this week, but she couldn't find the time. She actually mentioned her date night with Eric tonight in a sort of "at least we'll see each other briefly when you're watching Bee" sort of way, which I found downright hurtful. I know it's ludicrous to feel jealous of her time with her husband when they're struggling so badly, but... for fuck's sake, she and I may have spent a lot of wonderful time together in recent months but our last pre-planned, just-us, out-of-the-house real-date date? Was five fucking months ago.

As the day wore on, I realized that I was feeling really bad about it. I went back and forth about whether or not to say something. On the one hand, I was realizing that I was reaching an emotional tipping point where I was going to start not being ok, and I felt she would want to know that and, indeed, that just getting it off my chest might be enough to reverse things for me. On the other hand, it's just a terrible moment to be making requests -- we're in the midst of prepping for the big camping trip, she's starting a new job next week, she and Eric are struggling, she is feeling worn down by Bee's needs, their financial situation is precarious... how could I, in good conscience, as someone who loves her, even think of burdening her with yet another person's needs right now? I mean, hell, I know she suffers from anxiety and that one of the things that makes her most anxious is feeling like she's letting people down.

In the end, it came down to this. Is this the sort of relationship where we can each count on the other to listen, to be there, to want honesty even when it's hard, to accept weakness? If not, what are we even doing? So I emailed her. I tried to keep it relatively concise while being as clear as possible. I let her know that I missed her, that I felt the lack of planned alone time, that I wanted it very much and needed to express that, but at the same time that I saw what she was going through, that I respected her efforts to balance things, and that I'd understand if she just didn't have any extra space right now. Then I held my breath and waited for her reply, dreading the thought that I may have hurt her and knowing that she might well not let me see it if I had.

She didn't keep me waiting long. She wrote back and said that she misses me too, that she thinks of me. She explained that, to her, the time we spend together that's spontaneous, or the time we spend being productive IS quality time (it is to me too, but it's not the same), and she told me how desperately she needs time alone, time with Eric, time with me, time with Bee, etc etc etc. She told me that she appreciates the fact that I understand her situation, and she offered up a possible-maybe-date-time next week.

Today, she emailed me to let me know that Eric is looking into taking Bee to visit a friend once a week, on a weekday evening. I'm so curious... was this something he had already been thinking about, or something she asked him for? If the latter, did she focus on her need for space/time, or did she bring me and my needs up? The internal workings of their relationship are their business, and I will probably not ask, but I certainly do wonder...

Anyway, I have a work thing to do on the evening he'll be taking Bee next week, so that's a no-go for a date. I'm feeling better about the whole thing now -- I needed to unburden myself and be heard more than anything. It would be possible for her to give me a couple of hours to ourselves on another night next week but she was frank that it would be taking away from prep time she needs for our trip. In that light, I'm going to tell her not to worry about it, that I'll help her with prep and that as long as we can finally have a date when we get back from the trip that it'll be ok.

Guys, just in case you weren't aware, dating a married woman with an infant, a full-time job, and time-intensive hobbies is REALLY HARD for all involved!!! Worth it, for me, with this woman, no question whatsoever on that score, but hard.
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  #467  
Old 07-17-2012, 05:06 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Also, for any who may be wondering, things have been good with Davis and me recently. His lazy, good for nothing roommate FINALLY moved out, and he spent two solid days cleaning. His place is much more pleasant to be in now, and we've had some good moments of connection. Still not sure where things are going in the long-run, etc, nothing new on that front, probably will continue not to talk about that relationship much here unless anything changes, though he continues to be a big part of my time and life.
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  #468  
Old 07-17-2012, 05:59 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Guys, just in case you weren't aware, dating a married woman with an infant, a full-time job, and time-intensive hobbies is REALLY HARD for all involved!!! Worth it, for me, with this woman, no question whatsoever on that score, but hard.
Being the working mother with and infant is REALLY REALLY HARD and exhausting both emotionally as well as physically. It puts serious strain on marriages (since the beginning of time) and even more strain on outside relationships. Pregnancy is hard, but the first two years after the baby is born is even harder. My suggestion would be to try for "alone" dates only once a month and the rest of the time, do stuff were Bee can come with, even if you never leave the house. Planning life with a baby takes an entire whole new way of thinking. It's just easier to stay out of restaurants, get stuff to go and have a picnic. Getting out for even 2 hours is a major accomplishment. It's easy to try and do too much, but you must remember, babies like routine and familiar places and breaking with the status quo for more than short burst makes them really cranky, which will make everyone cranky.
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  #469  
Old 07-17-2012, 06:47 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Dating anyone with kids is hard, no matter what the age it seems. Runic Wolf tried dating when our son was in pre-school and because he was the primary care taker while I was working and going to school, it meant that his girlfriend ended up spending more time with our son than I did because we did not have alot of money for us to go out, let alone them. Eventually, I couldn't handle it because I felt like I was being replaced on multiple levels. Now, as a parent of a pre-teen, dating a married man with a teenager, it doesn't seem to have gotten any easier at least on the time management front. Our kids come first, which means that we are squeezing in cuddles and affection after game nights or practices once our son, Yoda, has gone to bed (which is even later in the summer time). Runic Wolf is great about giving us privacy if we ask for it, but it really isn't the same as having time to ourselves. Last week we lucked out and had an hour of alone time because Yoda was at summer camp. But those "dates" are usually 5-6 months or more apart. It seems that everytime we have one planned, one of our kids ends up being home from school sick. So I can sympathize.

Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 07-17-2012 at 06:50 PM.
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  #470  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:00 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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@SNeacail -- I get it, I do, as much as I can since I'm not actually dealing with what she's dealing with. I feel like such an ass for complaining when I *know* that she's having a much harder time than I am right now. Thank you for the perspective and advice. Once a month would be a dream at this point in terms of actual, planned dates. But the whole "Getting out for even 2 hours is a major accomplishment." thing is easy for me to lose sight of when my life is SO different, it's good to be reminded.

@BD -- Yeesh, kinda scary to hear that it's not necessarily gonna get much easier for another 17 years, and that's assuming that they don't have more kids, which they may... still, you guys are making it work, yeah?
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