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  #161  
Old 06-29-2012, 06:48 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I'm 16 months in and I still get pangs. Pings, pangs, pongs... GalaGirl... I just don't know! (snip)

Wouldn't mind if all the pings/pangs/pongs went away, to be honest. I was hoping for some sort of Holy Grail where that would happen eventually. I wonder if it will....
In my world? They don't go away. The reduce in frequency. Like once a year or so? We're almost 20 yrs in and it's not a partner than pings me. It's my own kid! Because I want to spend time alone with DH, quality time, and if that need has been low, him spending time with her makes me ping. *shrug* I check calendar, speak up my need, and we plan for some couple time then. It's not intolerable. It pinged a lot last year when the eldercare cranked up and I was feeling depleted. But we could weather it. Security in rship makes that possible -- our groove is long and deep.

If something is going off like a constant PONGPONGPONG that speaks to a very deep need not being met. What's that all about? Track it down. 16 mos in is not all that long. NRE still coming down so it's a hard time. The time when NRE pink fluffy whee clouds clear but the ORE groove is not all that deep to help you hold it together when rough patches of weather float on by.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-29-2012 at 06:51 PM.
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  #162  
Old 06-29-2012, 08:34 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely? I tend to feel the "pangs" when something's wrong with the relationship between me and that person. Maybe I feel like I'm not getting enough time, or maybe they're doing things with that person that I wish they would do with me, things like that. Usually, if I can isolate and articulate what's wrong and get some sort of solution or compromise, the "pangs" disappear.

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like? I'm not very sexually experienced, so sometimes I'll tell my (primary) boyfriend stuff like "I was on top and it worked!" or something of that nature. But for the most part, romantic/sexual stuff is kept pretty discreet. Both my boyfriends know that I talk about relationship stuff with the other one, because they're both my very close friends, and they're both ok with it.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often? It frustrates me sometimes when Fly (primary BF) has fun dates with other women. He doesn't like going to movies or whatever with me, but he will with other women, particularly when just getting to know them. We've mostly worked the kinks out so that I feel wooed, but sometimes I'll get all pissy because he went mini-golfing or something stupid

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates? No. He is really more "open" than "poly," so he rarely dates the same woman for more than a month or two, and usually on a very casual basis. For the most part, since he's not sustaining relationships with them, they don't really touch his relationship with me and I don't feel like there's a metamour situation. When Punk (secondary BF) and I knew we were having a long-term situation, I pretty much insisted that Fly meet him. Fly didn't really want to, but it turned out ok and I feel much happier that they've at least met and had a couple conversations. I have met Punk's wife, and a couple of her boyfriends. I don't really care for her, but we're polite.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries? Nope. As long as it doesn't interfere with us seeing each other, and we maintain a good routine of family time for our kiddo, that's all that really matters.

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?" We've agreed on some safer-sex rules and that if either of us has more than 3 dates/sexy times with someone, we'll let the other know. Also, we need to run it past each other if we want to take a date/lover somewhere that we have mutual friends. Other than that, we're pretty autonomous.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing? No veto. We tend to voice concerns and try to work through them. We have agreed, however, that each of us has the right to say "This isn't good or healthy for me, I need to step away from our relationship if x is happening." Then the other person can respond however they need to. It's not meant as an ultimatum, but no one should have to remain in a situation that is detrimental to their well-being.

I don't love veto power, but I think it's up to each relationship to know if they can trust each other to use it wisely. I also think that there can be some justification for veto if there are children in the situation who could be physically/emotionally/mentally harmed by toxic relationships.

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc) For me, it's been not being able to see Punk often enough. He lives in a different city, travels frequently for work, and has a very rigid schedule between his wife and himself. Also, I don't really know if he actually wants more than the once-week routine we've found ourselves in. I'd really love to find someone who lives close enough to have quick, spontaneous dates, maybe even someone with a kid around my kiddo's age who could blend the lines between friend, family, and lover.

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way? In a single way, I might be dating one or more people, but I'm not invested in any of them. By being poly, I'm invested in all of them! Even people who are no longer my lovers, they're still my friends and I care about and love them. Single people live their lives according to what's best for them individually. Being poly means that my plans and dreams include all the people I'm in relationships with, and taking them into consideration when I make decisions or think about the future.
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  #163  
Old 06-29-2012, 09:17 PM
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1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?

I really don't have to deal with jealousy on my part. Both the men I am seeing are mono.

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like?

My husband likes to hear about what my bf and I do.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often?

Really not applicable.

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates?

Not applicable to me.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries?

I see my bf whenever our schedules match up. I usually see him on his day off during the week. And I spend two days (sleep over) on his weekends off. Which is every other weekend.

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?"

I do what I want my husband trusts my judgement.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing?

No... and I hate vetoing. It just upsets the other partner.

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc)

Time management is hard for me.

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?

I don't act differently.. I just now that I am married have other responsibilities.
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  #164  
Old 07-10-2012, 09:35 AM
turtleHeart turtleHeart is offline
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1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?
Not sure.
2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like?
Yes
3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often?
Losing time with my partner is the main thing that bothers me. As long as it doesn't impact how much time/focus we have for each other, it's pretty flexible.
4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates?
By the 3rd date, before things get serious.
5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries?
Only limit would be how much time it takes from time with each other. Aside from that it's wide open.
6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?"
See what's ok first, until it's well established, then notify when something actually happens.
7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing?
Yes, but I'd be loathe to use it for an established relationship unless there was a very good reason.
8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc)
Time constraints, reduced focus, having less control over our day to day life as room as commitments to others are added.
9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?
When single and dating you're operating from a blank slate with minimal commitments, while in polyamory you have other people outside the couple that need to be taken into account.
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  #165  
Old 07-11-2012, 04:22 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I didn't answer your specific questions-but here are our boundaries as agreed to in January. They have been updated multiple times previous to that, but since then we haven't felt the need to make any changes.


Acquaintance-
Only communicate through the venue that you met through & email/text.
Talk with SO before extending to meeting in another venue.
Friends-
*They’ve already met your SO!!
May see 2-3 times a week
Coffee/lunch social times are ok, but no romantic dates.
With SO permission, invites to family times are ok.
SO is ALWAYS welcome to join anytime.
Anytime in a group, we remain coupled with our SO.
NO: kissing, caressing, cuddling, fondling, making out, sex, naked or sexual photos, personalized sex talk, cybersex. (All behavior should be limited to that which you would be comfortable doing with Jen.)
Touching of any kind should be greatly limited.
Potentials-
*Already OK’d by SO!!
May see 1-2 times per week.
Alone time date no more than one per week.
Romantic dates ok
With SO permission, invites to family times ok.
SO always welcome to join anytime!
Anytime in a group, we remain coupled with our SO.
NO: fondling, making out, sex, cybersex.
Ok to kiss, cuddle, caress, hold hands, personalized sex talk.
Physical affection in front of SO is very limited and with discretion.


Friend With Benefits-
*Already ok’d by SO!
May see 2-3 times a week.
Alone time date no more than one per week.
Romantic dates ok.
With SO permission, invite to family time ok.
SO welcome to join anytime.
Anytime in group, we remain coupled with SO.
Physical affection limited in front of SO with discretion.
BF/GF-
*Already ok’d by SO
May see 3-4 times a week.
Alone time date no more than one per week.
Romantic dates ok.
With SO permission, invite to family time ok.
SO welcome to join anytime.
Anytime in group, we remain coupled with SO.
Physical affection limited in front of SO with discretion.







OSO-Life Partner-
*Already ok’d by SO
Functions well with household and family.
May see anytime available.
Alone time date no more than one per week.
Romantic dates ok.
Assumed part of family.
SO welcome to join anytime.
Anytime in group, we remain coupled with SO.
Physical affection limited in front of SO with discretion.


BOUNDARIES REGARDING ALL PARTNER TYPES-
1. Anal sex/play of anytime is reserved for the two of us. Neither of us will participate in this activity with any other partners.
2. Overnights w/others will be limited to bf/gf or OSOs and ONLY for special occasions or when our SO is unavailable AND our SO has agreed to it.
3. Invites to others to participate in family activities/family time with always be discussed with SO in advance until such time as SO agrees that the person is “always welcome” like family.
4. Our relationship takes priority, therefore we will not have romantic dates with others during any week we are unable to have our romantic date.
5. Regardless of relationship type, we will always remain partnered with our SO when in a group situation unless special arrangements were made with SO in advance.
6. Personal info (including sexual preferences, interests, activities, suggestive, sexual or naked pics, etc) about either of us will not be shared with other partners without our EXPLICIT permission. We also will ensure that this information is not given to each other about our other partners without their permission AND our permission to one another (ie don’t tell me if I don’t ask AND they haven’t said it’s ok).
7. Loyalty to one another in our conversations will be kept by claiming all decisions we make as a couple as our own, not allowing our other partners to think that our SO is at “fault” for our joint decisions and agreements.
8. Nudity (or partial nudity beyond what is acceptable in normal public venues) during activities (such as hot tubs, beach, hanging out) will be limited to FWB, BF/GF or OSOs.
9. No other partners will be allowed to use our personal shower or our purple towels. Showering with other partners will be limited to FWB, BF/GF or OSOs AND only when SO is not present.
10. We reserve our personal rooms as our own and will not allow other partners to enter SO’s personal room.
11. Our room is reserved for only us. No other partners will be invited to use it.
12. No sexual activity beyond a kiss is acceptable in our home if both of us are home.
13. STD testing done by self and new person, prior to adding a new sexual partner & every 6 months. Protection will be used with all other partners during sexual activities. Long term, poly-fi relationships can request exception to the protection rule.
14. No new people will be introduced to extended family or friends w/o SO agreeing in advance.
15. We will not use recreational drugs or drink more than “a light buzz” unless we are with SO.
16. We agree to re-address boundaries every 3 months to be sure that they are meeting our needs. We agree to re-address boundaries if an OSO moves into the home.
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  #166  
Old 07-11-2012, 04:34 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?
Yes and no. They may go completely away regarding one person or a series of persons or even situations-only to reappear elsewhere.

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like? Not generally. Maca is too possessive and generally I'm not interested.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often? absolutely! Anything that results in me being neglected. I don't care about the sex/love/kissing/dating as long as its not done INSTEAD of being done with me. I don't have an issue sharing, but I do have an issue being replaced. So we make sure that we don't neglect our time together-ever.

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates? absolute requirement. If they can't be respectful and polite to me-they aren't fucking my partner and vice versa.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries? yes and no. Yes in new relationships. If the relationship continues and becomes a long-term relationship/permanent partner, then no we do not. I.E. I have no limits on seeing GG, but if either of us got new partners-there would be limits AND there were limits with GG to begin with.

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?" Nothing happens without it meeting the criteria of our boundaries which are pretty strict and always require prior agreement.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing? Not really. We dont need one because we both agree that having our partners agree with our boundaries is critical. Furthermore, because our boundaries can be renegotiated at 3 month intervals-if someone isn't willing to spend 3 months being socially involved so that they could then discuss a renegotiation to fit their needs-they probably aren't going to be a good mix for our family since we are a live-in family with multiple generations. There's no reason we won't consider changes at that interval that would benefit another partner-and once a partner is involved they can join in negotiations.

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc)
For me, guilt because I already have a fulltime-live in love and Maca doesn't. GG doesn't have an interest, but Maca does.

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?
A huge difference. Single for me would mean having to consider my needs and my kids needs. Poly means considering my needs, my kids needs, my husbands needs and my boyfriends needs. WHICH is why I'm not actively seeking a girlfriend even though I long for one, because I do NOT HAVE TIME to devote to dating.
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  #167  
Old 07-11-2012, 05:45 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?
Jealousy pangs sometimes come up for me, but I'm not a terribly jealous type. I've always tried to step back and get some objectivity on a situation if such pangs come up, and I curse myself if I ever let them get to me. I see them as indications of insecurity on my part. My goal is to love without attachment, so feeling jealousy tells me I am not only insecure, but too attached (and therefore too needy). I would never ask someone to change who they are to accommodate my insecurities.
2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like?
I had one lover who liked it when I told him stories of my sex life, whether from the past or present, but that was just as a turn-on when we were in bed. Right now I just have one lover-friend and several potentials right now, so I am not at any stage of sharing info. If I did, it would be according to who is comfortable with that type of sharing. But I probably wouldn't volunteer the info unless it was appropriate to a conversation.
3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often?
I really don't understand this question at all. Bother? Why would these things bother me?
4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates?
I don't subscribe to a primary/secondary hierarchy, so I don't have nor want a primary. Whenever I have multiple lovers, they all have equal place in my life. And no, I wouldn't expect to meet my lovers' other lovers unless under unusual or coincidental circumstances.
5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries?
Again, since I don't conduct my relationships according to a primary/secondary hierarchy, I have neither a primary nor any secondaries. As stated earlier, any lovers I have all are considered equally in terms of their places in my life. And as far as times per week, I could never live with a routine. I play it by ear, see what's happening in my life, find out who's available, and make plans accordingly.
6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?"
Are you talking about reporting back to a primary? Basically, I tell men who wish to be my lovers that I am not exclusive, that they have to be comfortable with my dating and being sexual with other people, and that I will be safe. If they want more info than that, we talk about it. In the beginning of my relationship with my current lover-friend, I said I would let him know whenever I've been sexual with someone else, but in the year that has passed since we started seeing each other, I have only gone on dates and made out with other guys, but not had sex with any of them. He did ask me about a month or two ago if I've had sex with anyone else. So, for us, it's kind of a "I'll let you know every now and then what I've been up to," but we don't clear any activities with each other beforehand.
7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing?
Vetoes suck. I would never agree to vetoes in my own relationships, but then again, I would never get involved with anyone who would presume to have that much authority over my other relationships. Also, as a solo, one of my most important personal boundaries is to never get involved with someone who has a veto agreement with his SO. No metamours of mine are allowed to make any decisions about how or if I conduct my relationships. If I am interested in a partnered poly guy, I ask right away if he has a veto agreement with his SO. If yes, I walk away and do not get involved. They can have all the rules they want between them, and it's perfectly okay if some of them affect me (like in how much time we can spend together, how often, or something like that), but I don't need to automatically kowtow to a couples' insecurities. No guy is worth putting up with that crap.
8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc).
I have other stresses in my life; poly isn't one of them. I want my relationships to be respites from the rest of my life, so I try not to invite more stressful situations into my world. After a very tumultuous time trying to figure out one of my early poly 'ships, I now only look for people who want to be in easygoing, fun relationships, without a lot of big expectations, so it keeps the stress and drama low. And I haven't had to juggle more than two guys at a time since embracing and practicing poly. But I would say that, clear communication and time management have probably been the biggest challenges.
9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?
I am a solo polyamorist, so on the outside it could just look like I am just single and dating lots of people. But the difference is the transparency, and my goals for my relationships. In this monogamy-oriented culture, "single" not only means "not married," but also implies a hope for singlehood to end with finding The One. If I were single, then my goal would be to find The One and live happily ever after with him. So, even if I told the guys I was dating that I was seeing other people, there would be an understanding that it is only a temporary state, and that each guy should be angling to be the one I pick. They would probably not like hearing too much about the others, and I would be looking for which one is the "best" choice for a committed partnership. Singlehood and monogamy fosters more competition, I think. But being solo poly means that I am independent and not waiting for The One, but choosing to have multiple lovers indefinitely, equally committed to having all my relationships work as well as possible according to their unique flavors, and that I can be very open and transparent about what I'm doing and who I choose to be with. So the guys I get involved with have to be very secure and content with being a companion, friend, and lover without thinking they have to try and "win" some elevated place in my life. Big difference, I think.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 05:18 AM.
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  #168  
Old 07-11-2012, 06:37 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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I haven't read any of the responses to this thread yet - I wanted to give my answers before seeing what others said.


1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?
- they haven't for me yet, but I'm only six months in, and hubby has not had a "relationship" during the time - just flirtations, and generally things that broke the boundaries we had set, so I haven't been able to be comfortable with things yet

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like?
- I have told hubby I don't want details beyond the basics. Yes, I want to know if he is sexually active so I can be sure to take precautions. But I don't want a play by play.
Hubby enjoys details of what I do with my boyfriend, and boyfriend seems to like some details. Like as in... it gets their motors running. Neither cares if I don't share details. Both leave it up to me how much to tell.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often?
- I don't have enough experience with this to really say for sure.

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates?
- Yes, I would expect to meet anyone he was going to date, if only for a quick "yes, we're all cool and on the same page" talk.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries?
- Derrick has just asked that I give him 24 hrs notice before a date. Other than that, no set limit, provided I'm still doing what I need to do with our family. I tend to see my boyfriend once or twice a week, sometimes more, sometimes less.

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?"
- I make sure to run anything I worry hubby would not be okay with by him before it happens if at all possible. Once I had something happen that was a bit iffy by our guidelines so I immediately told him about it to confirm if it was ok or not.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing?
- Yes, we do, and I do agree with it to a point. I have only veto'ed people who go against one or more of our boundaries. I'm not really sure that is a "veto rule" though, so much as requiring the boundaries we agreed upon to be honored unless they are re-evaluated/modified of course.

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc)
- time constraints, absolutely

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?
- I can be open to more possibilities I guess? To be honest I don't act much different now, except that I have two relationships. I'm not out there looking to date anyone else, but if the perfect person popped up, I could explore it.
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  #169  
Old 07-11-2012, 07:49 PM
TequilaMockingbird TequilaMockingbird is offline
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I am very new to poly, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I feel like I'm leaving a time capsule here, because I'm sure my answers are going to be completely different as time passes.

1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?

HA! I am living in Pang City at the moment.... but working my way through it. I know a lot of it is based in my own insecurity, and am very up front with hubby about it. Sometimes I get pangs from unexpected things, and sometimes things I think will bother me don't do squat. I am really hoping these fade!

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like?

I don't want to hear too much detail, but I do know where hubby is and what he's done. But I don't share every last detail with other friends, so that's pretty consistent. He wouldn't mind hearing absolutely everything, if and when I have another partner to hear about.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often?

Right now the physical aspect of his other relationships is less of a challenge than the emotional aspect. I am struggling with the idea of him loving another.

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates?


I have not met the current gf, but would not be opposed to it. I do know about her and she is aware that I know. For future partners, I'd really prefer to be friends with them. I'm hoping to have one big happy circle of friends, some of whom happen to sleep together.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries?

Right now we do, but only because I was finding that my needs weren't being met. Once a week is fine with me. When I start to feel like she's the one he's seeing *instead* if me... that's not good.

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?"

Option 2. I try very hard not to limit any activities, but I find it a lot easier emotionally if I know ahead of time.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing?


I don't agree with a unilateral veto. But we had a terrible initial experience with his mistress, and as a result we have a rule that if someone qualifies for a restraining order it's probably best to stop seeing them naked. (No, not kidding. Wish I were.)

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc)

My challenge is jealousy. His is honesty. I tend to be insecure, and he tends to lie. We both understand that we need to overcome these issues. No hiding.

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?

I am too new to really know. As far as I can tell so far, it's putting more thought into my actions and making sure I'm being as ethical as possible. Poly takes more effort, but in a good way.
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  #170  
Old 07-11-2012, 11:02 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely? If we're talking about jealousy, than yes, I like to think they do. After fourteen years of being together, I no longer get jealous about anything Runic Wolf does.

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like? Occasionally. Though we also occasionally have threesomes, so its not like there is alot to tell.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often? nope

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates? I met Runic Wolf's last girlfriend, but that was because their first date went really well and their second date was our local poly meet up. Generally, I end up meeting anyone he's seeing, but it's not a requirement unless they are going to be spending alot of time at our house around our son.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries? Not intentionally. Wendigo can't drive at the moment and my car isn't working, so we only see each other a couple of times a week, usually before or after practice or game night. It's been a while since we've had a planned date that wasn't around another reason he'd be coming down here, but that is for practical reasons (gas and time that I need to be home by)

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?" Since we're down to one car, we do ask if it'd be okay to take the car for a date and initially, I asked Runic Wolf if he'd be okay with Wendigo and I transitioning to a FWB relationship, but once we've established that we're seeing someone we don't need to ask first, but we do have a rule about telling each other if we've had sex with someone.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing? [COLOR="purple"]IWe used to have a veto rule, but now we just have a respect rule. I am pretty sure that Wendigo and Pretty Lady don't have a veto either. Though I am Wendigo's only other partner. I only agree with a veto if the relationship is compromising the mental or physical health or one or more people in the relationship or if the relationship is causing confusion or harm to any children involved. I vetoed Runic Wolf's first girlfriend 7 years ago because of those reasons.[COLOR="Purple"]

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc) I'd have to say time constraints and guilt equally. I would love to have more alone time with Wendgio, but it just isn't possible to get in more than an hour or two. I also feel guilty at times for having a long term relationship, when Runic Wolf struggles to find one for himself.

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?
It's been forever since I was single, but I guess it would be consideration. I have more people who count on me, who I feel that I owe explanations to for my behavior, so it keeps me in check more than anything could when I was single.
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boundaries, boundary negotiation, boundary pushing, boundary setting, broken agreements, dating, guidelines, jealousy, managing relationships, negotiation, poly, primary, rules, rules vs boundaries, secondary, trust issues, veto

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