Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #451  
Old 07-04-2012, 03:53 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Great style, Annabel Liked it and as well found something quite personal there. You have a great way with words and connecting to your readers personal experiences as it seems
Thank you so much! I meant to reply to this back when it was posted, and as with NR, I'm quite curious as to what it was that struck home for you. Very glad you enjoyed it.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #452  
Old 07-07-2012, 03:48 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Exciting developments!!

The club night that G, E, and I went to last month (after which there was sex) is coming up again tonight. Yesterday, via internet chat, Gia told me that Eric had asked her if they were going to go over my place afterwards again, and she had said that she'd like to very much. I affirmed that I'd definitely like that too, and decided to take it a step further. I said "You know I love vanilla sex with you guys (inasmuch as a threesome can be called vanilla), but I'd also really like to get roughed up by one or both of you, just, y' know, something to consider, and if we were in fact gonna maybe do something like that we would of course want to talk about it first."

Long story short, Eric being the least communicative and the most sexually sadistic of the three of us, Gia is going to start by getting him to give her a list of what he'd like to do, in terms of BDSM. She is then going to review it for anything that, on the one hand, she wouldn't even want to be around period, and, on the other hand, things she'd like to actively participate in. Then she'll pass the list on to me and I'll rate each thing on a scale from "Ew, no thanks" to "Sure, if it gets you off" to "YES PLEASE". Anything I want that's not on there I can also add, and it'll go back to them for more review. Then, in bed, we'll use a simple green/go, yellow/ease up, and red/stop safeword system.

Guys, I just can't even tell you how excited I am about this. It's been a LONG time coming. I feel like my patient persistence and forthrightness has totally paid off. And I feel good about the system outlined above. It was Gia's idea and it gives her the most control over the process. Under other circumstances it might seem a little weird or controlling, but in this case it's crucial, since major, relationship-threatening problems have come up for her and Eric in the past when Eric has cut her out of the chance to be informed and have a say, particularly in relation to his BDSM activities. I did tell her that at some point I might like to communicate with Eric more directly about this stuff, and not just about technical stuff in the moment, but that I'd be happy to check in with her before and after beginning any such discussions. She said that sounded fine. I'm cool with letting her play the middleman for now, when it comes to this, and, heck, maybe for always, I just need to know that the option is there for me to have a direct line to any sexual partner of mine when it comes to sexual matters.

But there's even more exciting news, believe it or not!

In the course of talking about all this, Gia told me that in the last few months she's been working hard to figure out for herself exactly what turns her on and what she'd like from a D/s perspective. She said that she's doing this in large part because she wants to feel more confident being assertive and asking for what she wants, so that she can feel comfortable having a wench (a term she'd playfully used for me two years ago when we'd first started discussing this, and that you can basically take to mean "servant" in this context) this year at the big camping event we go to August. O_O She wants to let me serve her. In public (not in a creepy way). We'll be camping together this year, for a full week. IT'S LIKE ALL MY KINKY DREAMS ARE (very slowly) COMING TRUE, YOU GUYS.

Omg, they will be here with me, in this very bed where I'm now relaxing, in just over 12 hours!! ...I should probably start tidying things up.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 07-07-2012 at 04:17 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #453  
Old 07-07-2012, 03:51 PM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 496
Default

Sounds excellent.
__________________
Living with my partner Mya and metamour Hank. Seeing Lily.
Reply With Quote
  #454  
Old 07-07-2012, 04:38 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

I'm squeeing for you! *hugs* Congrats!
Reply With Quote
  #455  
Old 07-09-2012, 04:05 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

It was the best of nights, it was the worst of nights.

Gia's parents visited all day, so she and Eric didn't get much of a chance to talk. She ended up just sending me a text with a list of four mildly kinky sexual activities that they'd had a chance to agree on. I rated them from "I am crazy interested in this" to "I'm definitely willing to do this but don't know if I'll be able to do it for long" to "I'm very curious about this and want to try it but, since I've never done it before, I don't know how I'll take to it," and sent back a few additional suggestions. I also suggested that maybe we go back to my place before 2am this time, but she wrote back that this dance night is really important to her, and I said that was fine.

Gia was amongst the folks standing outside the club chatting when I arrived, around midnight. She grabbed me, kissed me, groped me, snapped my suspenders (yes, I was wearing black suspenders), and was generally loud and enthusiastic and very toppy. It. Was. Awesome. In front of all of our friends, even. Delicious. She clearly had been drinking and seemed to be enjoying herself greatly. She was more gregarious and forward than usual with everyone around us, it seemed like she was trying on a new persona and liking it.

She said to me, teasingly, "Guess which part of my outfit you're going to be wearing later?" My eyes went straight to her collar. I've fantasized about her asking to collar me, which is a D/s commitment thing. I knew this wasn't that. It would, of course, be really premature for that, since we've barely begun exploring D/s with each other. It would just be a thing for play for an evening, but I still had a moment of being touched and moved that went past the general excitement of anticipating upcoming kinky sex. I asked if she did, in fact, mean her collar. She said "Yep. For leverage." Mmmmmmm, yes.

We went inside. I knew a lot of people there, and it's always nice to be amongst friends. I downed a couple of drinks and got on the dance floor. Gia grabbed me and we danced and made out. She whirled me around, gripped me by the chin and led me. I focused on following her direction as best as I could and just reveled in it. Then we split apart and danced separately for a while, coming back together a few times over the course of the night. I also danced with other people briefly, but not nearly as intensely as I did the last time we were out.

Eric and I didn't dance together. I feel so weirdly awkward about approaching him on the dance floor, so with him not making the first move either it just doesn't happen. I was pretty ok with that fact, but at the same time it was a little weird, knowing that we'd be fucking later and he'd be doing all sorts of things to me and yet not feeling up to the challenge of getting in his space and dancing with him. I mean, what's up with that? It occurred to me that I should just bite the bullet and dance with him to get over my feeling of awkwardness, but I just didn't feel like there was enough of a reason to push it. I did wonder what he thought, what he felt. But I've long ago accepted that that's a pretty fruitless line of inquiry. I have/had (I'm honestly not sure which it is these days but I'm leaning towards that latter) feelings for him that he doesn't have for me, and the best thing I can do for all involved is not to dwell on it.

But then. *sigh* Gia approached me around 1:40am and said that their babysitter had texted them to let them know that their AC had gone out and he was just driving around the neighborhood with the baby in an attempt to stay cool (he's a bigger guy and is sensitive to heat, and it's been VERY hot in our area lately). They had no choice but to go home.

Me outwardly: "It's disappointing, but of course I understand. Go on, we'll see each other tomorrow."

Me inwardly: noooooooo.......

So, they went home. And I went home and got myself off and texted them to let them know what I was doing and that I was thinking of them.

They came over today, Bee in tow, to play in a tabletop roleplaying game with me and my roommates. We all had a great time. We made pizza together, they stayed for about eight hours. Bee has just recently learned to walk on his own for short distances. He's very interested in everything, very lively.

Last night, missing them, reflecting on how very long it's been since Gia and I have had a night to ourselves, I got a little down about things. Not enough to want to stop, by any means, just kinda sad. It occurred to me that dating someone who's a new parent, especially when you're not co-parenting, is a little like being in an LDR. You just have to accept that the situation is such that they can't be present with you nearly as much as either of you would like.

On the one hand, I wish I was higher up on Gia's priority list, I wish she made more time to be with me. And on the other hand, I know that she's fighting just to stay sane right now, just to maintain her connection to her husband while parenting her child and very occasionally doing something just for her, and in that light what she's done to begin embracing her dominant side, at my urging, is amazing, and we certainly do spend time together, even if it's not alone time, so... how can I think of complaining?
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #456  
Old 07-09-2012, 04:28 AM
RainyGrlJenny's Avatar
RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 167
Default

Oohhhhh, bummer! After all the anticipation. How frustrating. I'm disappointed!

I really admire your patience, and how considerate you are regarding your girlfriend's personal needs. She's fortunate to have a support person like you!
__________________
35/bi/f

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy), and his 9-year-old son Kiddo
Reply With Quote
  #457  
Old 07-09-2012, 12:11 PM
fuchka's Avatar
fuchka fuchka is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 335
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
Oohhhhh, bummer! After all the anticipation. How frustrating. I'm disappointed!

I really admire your patience, and how considerate you are regarding your girlfriend's personal needs. She's fortunate to have a support person like you!
What she said!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
... at the same time it was a little weird, knowing that we'd be fucking later and he'd be doing all sorts of things to me and yet not feeling up to the challenge of getting in his space and dancing with him. I mean, what's up with that?
Yeah, I know what you mean! Things like that can be really incongruous. For a couple of years I was too shy to fart around Carob, though I'm not generally awkward around that with friends... just couldn't do it. Weird.

Sounds like that dance event is a monthly thing... ? If so, better luck next time!
Reply With Quote
  #458  
Old 07-10-2012, 04:26 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Thanks so much for the commiseration and kind words, guys!

Next month we'll be camping, and I'm honestly not sure what the opportunities for alone time will be there. But yes, it's a monthly event, so there's always the month after next. I'm just taking things as they come right now, letting her/them set the pace while making my preferences clear in a non-pushy way.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #459  
Old 07-10-2012, 05:09 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Gia and I spent the evening together tonight, working on a crafting project. Eric went out with Bee to visit some friends, so it was just her and me. I was briefly tempted to try to lure her into the bedroom, but we actually really needed to finish the project.

We were working quietly in different rooms at one point, music playing on Eric's computer. She came into the room where I was working and stood in the doorway. I was sitting on the floor, taking a short break from what I was doing and drinking some water. "I brought a piece of tape!" she said. I looked up. She was holding a piece of blue masking tape. I was puzzled, but then it came together, something about the way she was holding it, its size, the way she was looking at me. I felt myself get warm. I lowered the water bottle I was holding. "You can take another sip," she said, so I did. I wiped my mouth on my shirt. Then she came over and put the tape over my mouth. She looked very pleased with herself.

Once she was sure that it was on right and that I was good with this situation, she left the room to go back to her work. I sat there, dumbfounded for a moment. I had this sudden, irrational fear that I would show her my work on the project and it would turn out that I'd fucked up somehow and she would be annoyed with me and I wouldn't be able to apologize or explain. The frisson of this strange concern just added to my engagement with the situation. I pulled out my phone and took a few pictures of myself with the tape over my mouth. It suddenly occurred to me that she might come back in and find me doing this instead of working and not approve. I quickly put the phone away, feeling another strange moment of fear/excitement at the idea of her being upset at me when I was silenced.

Once I finished what I was doing, I came into the room where she was and we worked together for a while. My silence wasn't much of a barrier, I only had to write her a note once. Mostly we were quiet, or she spoke of this and that and I made little "mmm" sounds in response. A song came on that I've loved for many, many years. When it was over, she called me to her. She told me that that song had always made her think of her relationship with a particular female ex of hers, a friend from college that I also know, from whom she is estranged, and who I know she misses (not Jen, the woman that she and Eric both dated, this pre-dated that). She said that when she hears the song now, it makes her think of us instead. The tape was still staying in place because it was stuck to my cheeks, but it had long since come loose around my lips. I nuzzled her hair and told her, quietly, "I'm glad."

When Eric was getting home, she asked if I wanted the tape to come off. I murmured a question, "Is it all the same to you?" She said yes, that I could take it off myself, or she could take it off for me, or I could keep it on as long as I wanted. I had been so afraid that she would want me to take it off, that she would somehow not want Eric to see this thing between us. I wanted him to see, I didn't want to feel in any way like it was a secret. I needed to know that she embraced what we were doing as much as I did. And I wanted Eric to see it on another level because I wanted to gauge his reaction, wanted to know he was comfortable with it. He smiled at me and seemed normal and relaxed.

I cleaned their kitchen while Gia did some work on my bit of the project, Eric ran out to the store, and Bee snoozed. Gia took off the tape shortly after, because she needed my opinion on something, and at that point it was fine with me, I was ready to let it go.

It feels almost too intimate to write this all out here, and I hope that Gia will forgive me for sharing if she ever reads this, but I wanted so much to record this and to let you all know how happy I am tonight.

Edited to add: A part of me knows that this probably reads as either ridiculous or just confusing to most people who aren't into D/s? It's hard to explain why this was such a big deal.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 07-10-2012 at 05:45 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #460  
Old 07-10-2012, 09:03 AM
fuchka's Avatar
fuchka fuchka is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 335
Default

I totally get this. Mm, happy for you
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bisexual, boundaries, mono/poly, pregnancy, secondary, unrequited, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:58 AM.