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Old 12-03-2009, 04:00 AM
neilpoly neilpoly is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1
Default New, in a pickle and in need of advice

I'll try and keep this concise if possible.

I originally thought I was getting into a poly relationship but it is a little more complicated. My friend, shortly after I met her, mentions she is getting married and also has a boyfriend. Now initially, being new to thinking about being poly, I was surprised but openminded and was ok with this.

It turns out that the boyfriend was out of the picture and that the fiance was only a friend who asked her to marry shortly after I started seeing her.

We are both 40 and her fiance is older. So I think we are a little more grounded. I am pretty much in love with her and she with me. I assume she loves her fiance as well as she is still getting married. Although I suspect there are other issues at play here too.

Now I am perfectly happy with her getting married. I love my freedom and whilst I might have considered marrying her myself thats not an option now. What I am not happy about is that I might be losing a friend and a lover. She is pretty much open to being poly and she does have an agreement with her fiance that she can have relationships with women if he is not around.

Ok on to my question. I suppose I am wanting to know if I should get out now while I can or see if a poly relationship with them (her really) is possible. She might well be a love of my life and whilst I could let her go I am going to feel really sad about it.

I was considering mentioning that I had been thinking of a solution. Basically talking to her fiance, mentioning that I am happy with them getting married and tactfully mentioning that I also have feelings for her and wanting to know if he minded me seeing her on occasion. (I have met him several times and also like him and I am pretty sure he knows I have been seeing her sexually).

This might be the most complicated newbie question yet

Some wise words of wisdom would be welcome.

Thanks
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