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Old 07-08-2012, 07:28 PM
mercury mercury is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I see lots of "she should have, she could have, she shouldn't have's" about your bf's gf's feelings.

Telling your bf to tell his gf "don't feel jealous..." well, it just doesnt work that way. Jealousy is an emotion that needs to be felt, and worked through, and finally let go of when one is secure. You can't just *poof* it away.

However, even if she has always been interested in polyamory, thinking about it and actually doing it successfully are 2 different things. I shared my story with you to show you how that went down for me. I was completely overcome with surprise at the intensity of the NRE my husband had for his gf. They didn't keep it in check, and I wasn't prepared to deal with it, despite having read The Ethical Slut. I ended up feeling more like his mom, like a mother sending her teen son out on dates, and like the babysitter for our kids, doing the drudge work while he was out having fun.

It can really take a while to learn the ins and outs of polyamory. Your heart does get dinged and even broken sometimes.
I know it's not as easy as telling someone "don't feel jealous." I am sharing my attitude about jealousy, which is to say that I think if one reminds one's self that other people can't replace you, one can potentially feel less jealous.

I was in no way saying it's as easy as saying "don't feel jealous" and that *poof* jealous goes away.
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Tags
agreements, contracts, control issues, envy, jealous, jealousy, metamour concerns, new to poly, nre, relationship dynamics, relationship issues, secondaries, secondary, sex, veto, veto policy, veto power, vetos

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