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  #101  
Old 07-06-2012, 07:50 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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I used to not be able to sleep alone... Then my husband started working nights and I had to get over it. It was hard, I went weeks without sleeping more than a few hours each night, but eventually I got over it and now have a fairly normal schedule. It is possible to adapt to new situations and when a relationship structure changes from including 2 people to including 3, it calls for some pretty big adjustments.

My husband having a commitment to work is no less important than your boyfriend and girlfriend having a commitment to you and your relationship. It should be a priority for them to learn how to adapt their habits in a way that allows them to share their lives with you. And I very much agree with sparklepop and nycindie that it sounds like your girlfriend needs to get over herself, grow up a bit, and recognize that other people have feelings and needs too.
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  #102  
Old 07-06-2012, 07:58 PM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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They are both aware of my thoughts and needs. Im a talker and ive tried realyy hard in this relationship to be honest and open.

Cant have another bed in their room becos too obvious for kids and other family who dont know about us. I am seen as a close friend to the outside world mainly to protect the kids.

Already got a super king size bed. I snore, which i understand is a big problem for gf. Bf doesnt care, he sleeps through anything. I know he wants to spend more time sleeping with me, but is torn.

Last night i broached the idea of bf sleeping with me even one whole night but gf got very agitated, i have brought it up before, but she thinks im just wanting more and more. She says the more she gives, the more we want.
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  #103  
Old 07-06-2012, 08:16 PM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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In reply to brigids daughter......i may be wrong about this, but maybe it doesnt bothet u too much becos u still have your hubby to sleep with. I sleep alone. I sometimes start off in their bed and sometimes bf comes down to me for a couple of hours but the rest of the time i alone
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  #104  
Old 07-06-2012, 08:55 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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As much as Runic Wolf can't sleep without me in bed, I don't seem to have that problem. Sure, when he was in the military and gone for months at a time, I'd miss having him to cuddle when I fell asleep, but I also enjoyed that I didn't have to fight over the covers or who gets how much space in the bed. I honestly would be happy with starting off in the bed cuddling and then moving to sleep alone. Especially when my back is acting up.
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  #105  
Old 07-06-2012, 10:02 PM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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I have no problem sleeping aline. I am an amazing sleeper. But i just need the together time.
Especially as i cant just show affection freely during the day becos of kids etc
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  #106  
Old 07-06-2012, 11:03 PM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaynine View Post
Last night i broached the idea of bf sleeping with me even one whole night but gf got very agitated, i have brought it up before, but she thinks im just wanting more and more. She says the more she gives, the more we want.
Of course you want more... you BARELY get ANYTHING! This is ridiculous. It sounds like she's the boss of you two and what she says goes. Emergency sitdown necessary, like ASAP. All three of you. And you need to stress that you're a partner in this too. She's not the centre of everyone else's universe.
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  #107  
Old 07-07-2012, 12:20 AM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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I know. Im feeling very low about this right now
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  #108  
Old 07-07-2012, 08:27 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
I have no problem sleeping aline. I am an amazing sleeper. But i just need the together time. Especially as i cant just show affection freely during the day becos of kids etc
So let go on the sleep thing and work more toward this? If the kids/other people seeing is a prob -- is living elsewhere a solution? So he can come to your space and you guys get alone time without other eyes around? A house with a mother-in-law cottage in back? Neighboring apartments?

GG
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  #109  
Old 07-07-2012, 11:03 PM
Carolina Carolina is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
But it sounds like your issues are deeper than just a sleeping schedule. Sounds like it's time to stand up for yourself and renegotiate. They don't get to make all the rules just because they're married and that's what they're used to. A triad should be 1+1+1, not couple +1. Also sounds like your girlfriend needs to grow up a little bit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arrowbound
Of course you want more... you BARELY get ANYTHING! This is ridiculous. It sounds like she's the boss of you two and what she says goes. Emergency sitdown necessary, like ASAP. All three of you. And you need to stress that you're a partner in this too. She's not the centre of everyone else's universe.
Yes and yes to both of these.
I think this obviously encompasses much more than sleeping arrangements. Your needs are not being valued here and it sounds like you are not being treated like an equal (or significant) part of this "triad" relationship.
You deserve consideration and respect and it does not sound like you are getting either. It sounds like the one person's (GF/wife's) wants and insecurities are trumping the needs or wants of anyone else. That's not healthy in any relationship, regardless of how many people are involved.

It sounds like a serious sit-down and some renegotiating is in order. Yes, this sort of thing is uncomfortable, but it is obviously necessary and can't be avoided. You shouldn't have to be constantly uncomfortable or unfulfilled just to keep this gal from being temporarily uncomfortable with having a necessary conversation.

Every relationship is different and has its special considerations and inequalities, but you definitely deserve more than scraps and leftovers.
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  #110  
Old 07-08-2012, 09:17 AM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
So let go on the sleep thing and work more toward this? If the kids/other people seeing is a prob -- is living elsewhere a solution? So he can come to your space and you guys get alone time without other eyes around? A house with a mother-in-law cottage in back? Neighboring apartments?

GG
Ive tried a few times to make the break to living on my on, and as much as i know how much this would upset my bf, he has been behind me, as in beleiving it would be better ror me to be independant as he knows how hard it is for me, but each time i try, funnily enough it is my gf who fights to keep ke living with them. And as much as i want to be brave and go it alone, it would break my heart to move out. As for a place with a granny flat etc, yes, weve discussed it, but not financially viable right now. It would be better for my kids too
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