Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #11  
Old 07-06-2012, 05:03 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,211
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
But, that means not spending time with the family and then HE gets insecure and pissy over feeling replaced by GG in his role in the family. No fault of GG's or mine . . .

Unfortunately, I really don't think there is an answer unless he deals with the emotional drive in him that makes a relationship HAVE to go so fast from meet to sex &/or the issue that makes it HAVE to be physical time in order to matter &/or the insecurity that drives him to feel he MUST be here more than GG or he will be "replaced".
Ahh, LR. I bolded what I think is the real nugget of the issue for Maca, which I think needs to be addressed more than anything. After all these years, with GG living with you and proving himself a stand-up guy, with all the ups and downs you all have gone through, Maca still feels insecure and thinks GG is usurping his position? Wasn't he trying to deal with this in therapy for a while or something?

I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting relationships to get sexual fast, but I think it is the insecurity about his place in your life, and the family, that adds a frenzied, fucked-up need to push things TOO quickly within the very real parameters of his home life, just to assuage his uncomfortable feelings. Even though we may like a fast pace, having patience and sitting with feelings of disappointment, insecurity, and all the crap we start to believe when we are comparing ourselves to others can be a great teacher in and of itself. It's like something I've often said to people who want to know how they can pursue a crush they have for someone they work with, which will get them in all sorts of trouble, and I tell them to just enjoy the crush and not take action. Just because we want to doesn't mean that is best for us, and we can learn a lot from the wanting.

It also sounds like there is an element of keeping score in Maca's thinking. Like, perhaps a major driving force in his wanting a girlfriend is just because you have GG and he feels that is unfair in some way. But imagine how the potential girlfriend feels at the receiving end of that kind of energy. "Oh, I'm just a prize you feel you've won? Buh-bye."
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
 

Tags
dating, kids, socializing, time

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:50 AM.