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Old 07-06-2012, 12:40 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Fiona,
I can imagine your partners puzzlement. My boyfriend flat refused to socialize with the latest girlfriend (of my husbands) because he felt it was heading that direction from the get go and didn't want to be caught in the middle. He's VERY outgoing-but from the beginning there was so much mis-information going around he just fled from the whole thing.

It's unfortunate that so many of us are struggling to figure out how to go about operating and communicating how we operate in our dynamics-because it leads to a LOT of confusion when assumptions are made or misinformation is shared.

I'm a very outgoing open person. But, I have to make the relationship on my own. I don't automatically give myself to someone because they are a "friend of a friend". So, the fact that someone thinks they are in love with my husband (I have doubts on account of MY definition of love and how quickly they disappear-I believe it's NRE and lust)
doesn't automatically mean I'm going to open up to them. They have to take time to get to know ME and allow me to know THEM if they want that.

Unfortunately, that is scary for some women-a lot of them from what I've gathered. I'm ok with not knowing them well. But, Maca wants something along the lines of what I have with GG; and THAT isn't possible unless the time is taken to build the cross friendships. (ie-her me, her GG, etc).

GG and I were best friends for YEARS before we started dating. YEARS. He already was considered part of the family before we started dating.
It makes a HUGE difference.

When you're rushing to get to bed with each other...
Well-it just changes everything when its rushed.
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boundaries, comminication, communication, compassion, dadt, empathy, honesty, metamour, metamours, overshare, privacy, secrecy, sex talk, sharing information

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