Time: The Enemy
I'm not having a crisis. Just acknowledging Maca's frustration (unspoken at the moment, previous quite loudly complained about).
He works 40-60 hours a week as a rule of thumb.
It's an hour drive each way.
So that alone knocks out 50-70 hours a week.
Sleep, He generally goes to bed about 11 and has to hit the road by 6 (he gets up JUST in time to leave). That's 35 more hours M-F. On weekends he tends to sleep in til closer to 10. So another 22 hours.
From a 168 hour week, he's already down to having only 41-61 hours left.
For the sake of conversation we'll take out an hour each day for bathing/grooming, an hour a day for eating and an hour a day for household chores, cleaning, maintenance etc. Obviously, sometimes it's more sometimes less, but that's a good simple starting point.
That leaves him with 20-40 hours a week to socialize.
With me or anyone else.
M-F evenings of course the kids are dying to see him, especially our 5 year old. If he wants to see her at all before she goes to bed at 8, there's not time available to "go out" M-Th until after she goes to bed, which would mean going out between 8-11pm. But, most people aren't really available at those times for a "meeting new people" social time AND there isn't SHIT open around here at those times on those days.
Weekends are more open. But, if he wants to go camping, fishing, hunting or do any house maintenance, those are shoved into Saturday and Sundays...
He's struggling because, he is interested in meeting other women and looking at a more serious girlfriend.
But, because its so damn hard to MEET anyone in light of his family responsibilities;
he tends to jump in too fast and too far as soon as he meets anyone.
A huge "omg, this may never come again" feeling takes over and combined with NRE... the sparks become wild fires. This deadly combination of NRE and a sense of desperation has resulted in boundaries being broken and hearts being broken and him feeling like "FUCK IT".
This last go around.... really did a doozy on his heart.
It blew up badly with me in January.
It then blew up with her in Feb.
They haven't seen each other except for her to bitch him out in June and last week sent him a goodbye song.
He's hurt and angry (but not talking about it).
He knows where it went wrong (I think).
But, that doesn't change the reality of our schedule.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO-(sorry this was so long)
I know that there are people out there who manage this.
1) How do you schedule in a social time for going out regularly (so you have the opportunity to meet other potential)?
2) When you meet a potential how do you then fit in a date time? How often?
One of the technical complications that has arisen, is that with all 3 of the women he's dated, our youngest became attached and when the relationships ended-she's devastated and doesn't understand.
So, I've put down a boundary that the kids not be involved with potentials until either a solid friendship has been established or a solid relationship. Which means, he can't go out and meet people or go on a date with a potential with the kids in tow.
I will keep the kids (or GG will). That's not an issue. But, it is an issue if it's too frequent because the kids want him. Not because I won't let him go, but he doesn't want to neglect his relationship with the kids either..
"Love As Thou Wilt"
|dating, kids, socializing, time|