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  #11  
Old 05-27-2009, 09:51 PM
Sabishiigarya Sabishiigarya is offline
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Thank you so much for your replies. They do help. I am still trying to decide what to do. We have been together for 8 years, so I just don't want to throw that all away. Then again I don't want him to be unhappy and I don't think I could be happy in a poly relationship. That is hard for me to say but I think I know it is true deep down. I just really needed feedback from someone who wasn't poly but didn't hate poly relationships. Someone who was willing to just stay positive instead of being like "WHAT? He wants to be with other people! He should be in therapy! What is wrong with him? I can't believe you would even consider that!" *sigh*
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  #12  
Old 05-28-2009, 04:05 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I'm glad I could offer you from my perspective. Above all just be true to yourself..forever and always

Your husband will have to do the same.

I tried to avoid truth within myself for a long time and destroyed a 16 year marriage and forever damaged my relationship with my daughter and ex wife.

Take care
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  #13  
Old 06-16-2009, 05:31 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Hi all. I am adding the following comment made on another topic to my original thread on here as it pretains to the development of my mono/poly relationship. It varies a bit form the original and I hope I don't sound like I am repeating myself LOL!.

Originally Posted by Quath
Probably the biggest issue is worring about losing a partner to another or feeling less desirable.

My response
I admit this was at first my main concern when I entered a polyamorous relationship as a monogamous person. I absolutely have no fear of losing my partner (being replaced) now, as I feel totally loved and special.

My biggest area of concern is my approach towards sex and the value I associate towards it. This is a very big issue for me and causes me a great deal of stress when in group poly meetings where everyone's approach to sex/physical intimacy within relationships is different and generally not in line with my own. This is not about right or wrong, but about what I would be able to function in. 9 out of 10 times the answer I come up with is "not in my lifetime" LOL!!

The primary issue here is that I have no control over the affects some things have on my energy. I worry that my reaction to something or fear of reacting will hold us back in the develpoment of our relationship and in her being fulfilled. Redpepper sees right through me and I am getting better at discussing things without actualy letting them influence me in real time...not perfect, but better I feel bad for her in some ways..such a sensitive boyfriend LOL!!

This is an interesting and pivotal challenge for me, as well as for Redpepper, as we move towards the future and see how our relationship shapes. Not only will this define my relationship with her, but it also influences my ability to feel comfortable and healthy in my social interactions with people in the poly community. Communication is the key as (as you said Quath) and Redpepper, her husband and me definitely communicate.

Hope this is beneficial to someone..Redpepper, her family and me are doing great and I am still in awe of this whole experience!
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  #14  
Old 02-21-2012, 11:57 PM
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nouryia nouryia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Will there be challenges? You had better believe it! My own nature of monogamy interacting in a polyamorous relationship generates a lingering fear of being replaced, becoming less than I am now, unexciting and will lead to her searching for anotherůme.
I realize this was posted a long while ago, but I only just read it. It sums up most of my struggles in relating to my very poly boyfriend and in learning to let go of the old mono ways I've lived with for most of my life. Even though I have both a husband and a boyfriend, I definitely don't feel a pull to look for more relationships. Two mates is more than plenty for me...guess I'm still a bit mono at heart. Thanks for sharing your story so candidly.
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  #15  
Old 02-27-2012, 05:35 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Wow. This is an old post but I'm glad there is still value in it :-) you are welcome!
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  #16  
Old 04-27-2013, 01:17 PM
wildevos wildevos is offline
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Hi Mono,

Just wanted to say this post and ensuing discussion is still super useful, and is one of the top hits on google for "monogamous in a poly relationship". So I hope you still feel it was very worth your time because it's the first time I have read anything like it, and I really appreciate your story. Cheers!
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