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Old 07-04-2012, 04:31 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,183

I am sorry you are hurting. *hug*

But I don't think you have lost your friend. I think you might be putting cart before horse there because you are awash in great emotion right now.

So you are poly wired and she's monowired. Agree to disagree. No biggie.

And this is your best friend in a Huffy. She drop you on skype? So? Don't you have email, phone, write her a hand written note and snail mail? Know her parents? C'mon. You can find a way to get a message in a bottle to her.

Apologize for your part in the Huffy Making and see if you can make amends. Say you are sorry, and set ego aside. Sometimes being friends is more important than being "right."

I hear that you wanted to express the pain of living as a poly in a non-poly-friendly world. I hear that you wanted to hear your best friend validate that you are hurting.

Next time maybe just state the need more clearly rather than going all huffy pants yourself.
"Look, I'm sorry for my part in the Huffy Making. I know I'm polywired and you are monowired and on that we just agree to disagree. That's cool. I can live with that.

But I am and was feeling sad and needed to vent at a safe person. I'm sorry my own emotion got the best of me and it came out all crazy in your direction. I was inappropriate and tried to make it be like debate. It was supposed to be just vent, and honestly I was scared to come out to you at poly. So maybe I was a little bit on the defensive and prickly from that fear and hearing attack when none was meant.

What I wanted was just to vent a bit and get a basic hug and a "I'm sorry you are sad" supportive thingie from my best friend. I was not clear about that want/need. If I could take it back and do it all again?

I would say it more clearly like this:
Please say and affirm to me 'Alright. You tell me you are poly. Well, I'm not wired for poly stuff and I do not get it. I do not support it. But just because I do not support THAT does not mean I do not support YOU. I am sorry you are so sad today. I love you as my friend. And as your friend, I am sorry you feel bad. You will be ok. Breathe. I am still here. I am still your friend.'
This is what I needed/hoped to hear my best friend say to me right now when I feel sad and ugh.

I hope we are indeed still good as friends. I am sorry it got nutty."

Then maybe things would have flowed a little better.

She would have understood her role to be that of "Active Listener" here rather than "Debater." I think that's where it went haywire. You wanted her to be Active Listener to a personal revelation and a vent and it went off into Debate Land. You got frustrated you weren't getting to vent and get the "you will be ok I am still your pal hug" and she got frustrated like you were pushing your beliefs on to her when she doesn't share that. Wires got crossed.

You have opportunity to untangle them now.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-04-2012 at 04:55 AM.
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