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  #421  
Old 06-05-2012, 12:08 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I'm definitely in the "I hate NRE" camp.

I was talking about this to a friend of mine the other day. We are both in this camp.

NRE makes me feel stupid and out of control. The heart-racing and butterflies when the phone rings - makes me feel on the edge of a panic attack. I can't concentrate on my hobbies or reading - things that help keep me centered and help deal with the stress at work etc. Other things that are actually important to me get neglected. I lose sleep and physically feel like shit - like I'm perpetually hungover. Can't WAIT for it to be over.

Now, part of this may be lack of practice...I don't tend to "fall for" people easily, and spend a lot of time in denial when I do - so there is that tension added as well. Granted also, that the two times I have experienced "full blown" NRE have ended well - I have MrS and Dude to show for it - so I guess the ordeal was worth it in the end I think that the fact that in each case I ended up practically living with my partners right away, for me, helps the NRE fade that much quicker - which is why I don't think that is always a bad idea for everyone. Nothing rubs the "new and shiny" off as quickly as shared bathrooms and dirty socks .

Each time it was such a relief to me when the NRE wore off and we could get to the "real meat" of the relationship and see if it was actually going to work. It's not until the stupid hormonal phase is over that I can let my guard down and really open myself up to loving someone - because only then do I feel like I am seeing them for who they really are.

Jane("NRE Sucks")Q
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #422  
Old 06-06-2012, 01:56 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I won't say I don't experience NRE, but my version of it doesn't sound like what other people go through. When I first started reading about poly, I pooh-poohed the idea of NRE and thought it was stupid to rename that "honeymoon" phase every relationship goes through, but then I realized it is specific to poly because you go through it while still having other relationships. Maybe it's that I am a double Taurus (both sun and moon), but I think I do stay pretty grounded. How it manifests for me is that I tend to go off into fantasies and can get pretty indecisive, but I'm not giddy like a teenager. I just feel like I'm surrounded by a delicious euphoria that envelops me, but it's also hard to see someone's faults during this time. But, for me, I don't feel like NRE is something that hard to manage. I like feeling the sparkly beginnings and often find myself wishing things would stay that way. I don't always like it when reality hits, but I deal with it. I guess I tend to approach everything pretty straightforward, I dunno.
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  #423  
Old 06-22-2012, 01:15 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Default 10 months

well.... I don't know how long NRE generally lasts, but I know my husband came out of it last week... some 10 months after meeting his girlfriend.
It was really strange, he had been with her for the weekend and when he came home I could just feel the shift, he immediately started saying to me how much he enjoyed seeing me and spending time with me... (instead of being withdrawn for a couple of hours - like I always am when I come home from an extended date - to make the transgression). He told me about their weekend and that there had been some tension. It was like all of a sudden, he no longer idealized her but saw her as a real person, with flaws and personality traits that may be less compatible with his than he originally thought.

And while his NRE has given me some major trouble (he did some pretty stupid and inconsiderate things while being blinded by it) I now feel kind of sad that that time of the fairy tale is gone.
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  #424  
Old 07-02-2012, 07:35 AM
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SunsetMan SunsetMan is offline
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Default Hoe long does NRE last in a long distance relationship?

My long time GF (we just called off the wedding, postponed to a later/unknown date) is starting a relationship with a man who lives over 5 hours away. Im not thrilled but I cant really blame her because my divorce isn't final yet. (6-8 weeks from now it should be)

NRE is causing me quite a bit of grief... and rather than try to work out something that stifle their relationship, I think I might be better off to just endure it if I can.

How long can I expect NRE (New relationship energy) to last if they only see each other once every 4-6 weeks?
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  #425  
Old 07-02-2012, 03:03 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Different folks are different in this. For me, when I had an LDR where I spent a weekend away once a month with her, it lasted about 2 years.
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  #426  
Old 07-02-2012, 05:12 PM
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SunsetMan SunsetMan is offline
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Actually, I'm just talking about NRE, not the LDR as a whole.

Right now she's pretty gung-ho to have a relationship with this guy while I finalize my divorce, which should be said and done in 6-8 weeks. In that time, I see them hooking up at least twice more and texting/chatting online daily. I've agreed to back off and let them figure things out.

Truth be told, they're not 100% compatible and I think they need time to see that, which is why I'd like to know how long NRE normally lasts.

She's going to stop blocking me emotionally, open back up to me. We're self-professed soulmates, in a deep and understanding love... I stuck with her through her exploring this relationship with this other guy and continue to do so. When my divorce IS final, at some point after that... then she's going to try to shift me back to primary and really re-invent a relationship with me without the spectre of my marriage still over our heads.

We just have so much together. Compatible in every way and our lives are intertwined.

I equated my divorce to labour pains. It hurts to be with me b/c I'm still married, but when that's done, then she gets this wonderful gift and life that we've never been able to fully explore. And that my divorce (the slowness of it) is hurting me, too. And that me, being the thing that she gets at the end of said labour pains... is not causing the pain.

I really don't know about me equating myself to a baby :P but it sorta fits.
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  #427  
Old 07-02-2012, 05:26 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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CdM meant that the NRE lasted 2 years, not the entire relationship.

I'm in a LDR where we've only spent about a month together total over the past 2 and a half years (a week every 4-5 months). The NRE refreshes itself each time we get to see each other in person again, but it dies off more quickly with each visit.

So you can't "expect" anything, with every person and every relationship being different, but if they're only seeing each other every 4-6 weeks it's very unrealistic to expect the NRE to wear off by the time your divorce is final in 6-8 weeks.
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  #428  
Old 07-02-2012, 05:28 PM
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SunsetMan SunsetMan is offline
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I'm beginning to see what you mean by NRE, my initial understanding was that it lasted weeks maybe months.

I guess we'll see what happens. *cry*
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  #429  
Old 07-02-2012, 05:51 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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NRE is no excuse to throw you to the side, though. Anyone experiencing NRE has a responsibility to any partners they already have to make an effort not to become completely engulfed in all the new, fun feelings. NRE is not license to ignore or neglect partners, family, or even friends.

Asking her to manage her NRE, to be responsible and find a balance between the two of you, is not "stifling" anything. It's asking her to be a mature grown-up who deals with the realities of being poly.
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  #430  
Old 07-02-2012, 06:46 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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NRE typically lasts between a few months and a couple of years.
However even if it turns out to be on the short side, I would advise against bottling up and hiding how you feel. Talking about it doesn't necessarily mean you will limit their relationship. It's possible that instead, you will figure out things to do about YOUR relationship that will make the NRE tolerable to you, because you won't feel as neglected.

I think you should mention it, not in an accusatory way, but in a "hey, I have these feelings, what should we do about it?" way.
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