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Old 07-01-2012, 08:12 PM
Truebrooke Truebrooke is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 7
Question paternal uncertainty

I'm curious what other people experiences are with paternal certainty and father roles.
I don't yet have any children, but think often about the possibility. The man I am currently predominately partnered with (Lex) is clear that he doesn't want to have biological children of his own. But understands that I might decide in the future that is something I want. And he's expressed that he will gladly help raise someone else's biological children in some capacity.

Any men out there who feel similarly? or are co-parenting children other than their biological own? Any women who are raising children whom their not sure who the father is? how does this feels?

**read "Sex at Dawn" for a fascinating discussion of other cultures and family models that don't rely on paternal certainty, and it's links to patriarchy, ownership, and obviously monogamy**

My lover, Adam, and I were on a path that seemed to be leading to a "family" (when I was possibly pregnant at one point we were open to embracing that) before we "broke up" (I moved out) last year. I've continued to see him (longer story off topic here) and guess I now in a V of sorts, but only seeing Adam occasionally. Our connection is still important to both of us though. And we both still kind of picture having children together. This has also crossed Lex's mind.

To be clear, lots of work/communication would need to happen for this to be a good situation, right now it's just theoretical for me. But I'm curious if other people have navigated something similar. It seems like most parent situations on here, the kids were "already in the picture".
Any examples of choosing to have a child with a lover without that implying co-habiting, etc.
I grew up in the wake of my parents nu-amicable divorce and want to avoid putting any children of mine through that sore of tension/hurt and un-communication that they demonstrated. But I'm starting to think of alternatives other than the stay-together-monogamous-mommy-n-daddy, since I find myself loving two men and that doesn't seem likely to stop. I also grew up with two families in a shared dwelling, and my "upstairs" second parents and siblings are perhaps one of my life's biggest blessings. I believe multiple adults loving/raising children is best. Thoughts? stories?

Thanks, Brooke
Me: 24yrd old woman. Lex: my current partner (new this year) . Adam: my lover for 2.5 yrs. I have yet to be with another woman.

Last edited by Truebrooke; 07-01-2012 at 08:16 PM. Reason: added some other thoughts
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