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Old 06-29-2012, 12:54 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467
Default Feeling Stressed About Having Many Partners

Hi everyone,

My partner is feeling stressed about being the more active one in our poly triad. I'd really love some advice and will try not to ramble. Which blatantly means I will...

Laura is my girlfriend. She is the hinge in our FFM poly V.
She has been married to Mark for 13 years, mono for 11.
I came along 16 months ago.

We have all slept with one person each. Laura's person being me: her only sexual partner outside of her 13 year marriage.

The problems come in here

Mark struggles to meet women and is almost completely non-active in poly.

Laura has had a lot of interest, dates, has had BDSM play partners (it hasn't yet led to full sex, but very soon will), and is currently heavily seeking a fully sexual submissive partner. She has also had an online submissive for over a year, whom she considers a third primary.

I am somewhere in the middle. Not hugely looking, but not completely inactive either. I am likely to sleep with someone soon, too.

The crux of the issue

Because Laura is balancing two primary partners, an important online person and going on many dates, she is feeling the stress of having to deal with the emotions and pangs of multiple people.

It is particularly hard for Mark, because he's adapted to me joining their marriage, he also adapted to me moving in for three months, (we have to live long-distance for now) and since I went back home in May, Laura has hugely vamped up the dating. His head is spinning and he says he is feeling a bit second-rate.

I am trying very hard to ensure that I don't dump any negativity on her and that I speak positively about her dates, whilst still communicating when I need to.

What I would like is some outside opinions as to how I can help ease her stress and promote her enjoyment of what she's doing. Perhaps also advice for her on how to deal with her stress and not become frustrated.

(Update - she does take time to talk and listen and always considers our feelings - but after 16 months, says it's sometimes hard to be as patient with jealousy etc).

Thank you to anyone who made it through that whole post!

~ Sparklepop

Last edited by sparklepop; 06-29-2012 at 04:23 PM.
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frustration, guilt, poly, stress, triad

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