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  #11  
Old 06-28-2012, 03:38 PM
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Piroska Piroska is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
She is quite young, a college student, early 20s at the most? She's got her parents to deal with, lots of schoowork, and she's still trying to figure out who she is, and what she wants in relationships.
Yeah, she's 24 and starting college, so socially always felt even younger (I graduated college when I was 20, so at 30 I really did feel a LOT older than her). I'm definitely seeing that maybe he came on too strong, that I let things proceed a lot faster than I originally intended also. It wasn't intended to be a triad - it was intended to be a V (him me, me her), because we've read all about the various problems that can happen in a triad. But because we'd prefer a triad, when she showed interest in both of us we were all too happy to go for it.

We're definitely going back to the original plan of not introducing new partners to the kids until much later. Before we actually broke up when I just told the kids she wasn't going to be coming over every weekend because she was busy with work and school, most of them were okay, but the 7 year old pounded her fist and said "why why why why why???" (she was the one closest to Juliette). So that's hard, and I should have stuck to the plan, and not let it slide when things seemed to be going so well.

Yup, need to take some steps back and try to learn from this.
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  #12  
Old 06-28-2012, 03:44 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Might not be you.

If she's feeling uncomfortable feelings (which you ALL must be) she may be pinning them on you guys.

"YOU make me feel _____, it is yucky, therefore YOU are yucky/mean to me!"

Solution? Get away from people who "make" me feel yucky.

Without really examining her inner world or your intentions to see if it is perceived as yucky only and there is no actual malice or ill will intended. That's a different thing. And that it moved to triad a bit fast... well you learn something.

You don't sound like you are being actually mean. You sound like you are trying to process your own yucky stuff now. She sounds young 24.

She may or may not grant you an "exit interview" -- can't force it. Just let it go, leave a door open if you want, and give it space. See what next...

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-28-2012 at 03:55 PM.
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