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Old 06-27-2012, 01:47 PM
simplyme simplyme is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 8
Default Confused and hurt, do I stick this out or walk away?

So..I mentioned in my intro post that I am not new to the ideals. There is a lot of background, but I'll give the TL;DR version - I was raised Mormon, as in that Mormon group with the multiple wives and lots of fun years of therapy. I was lucky enough to get out when I was relatively young and while I know that FLDS is sort of a form of poly, it's not exactly the most ideal environment to be brought up in.

I've been married once (just myself and the man, no one else), and currently on marriage #2, though the way things are going, I'm not sure how long this will last. About two years ago, current husband (CH from herein out) asked if I might be open to exploring poly. I'm sure some can imagine my response, grinding my heels in and saying no. That led to a spectacular blow up on my end (marriage #1 ended with my discovery of divorced husband cheating and thinking I'd be okay with it because 'after all, that's how you were raised'), and for many months there was an incredible amount of tension. CH backed off of the idea and decided that maybe he'd gone about it the wrong way. He convinced me to go to some poly-friendly meet ups, get to know people, etc.

Okay, fine. So things have been going smoothly. Then he introduces 'her'. She's part of a poly couple and she'd like to get to know her better. Her husband is interested in me. I have a lot of walls and I'm hard to get to know, but somehow, he knows all the ways around them like CH does (which I suspect CH helped him to navigate).

Things go well for them, but the husband of the couple has said that he is not interested in me that way (other than I'm charming, sweet and would make any guy ecstatic if they were in bed), but he's got strong feelings for CH.

So if you've followed so far, cookies are by the coffee. I am stuck in a poly relationship with CH and the couple together, effectively leaving me out of the loop. I feel like an outsider looking in and no matter how I communicate it, CH says 'oh, it'll work out. we'll do this or that all together or I'll do this with you.' I'm close to finding a lawyer and letting this marriage go. I've sat him down and talked, and I've sat all of them down and talked and aside from them saying they understand, I don't think they do. Being left out is not fun and it's extremely hurtful.

I did not want to go into this so quickly, especially with my history (and trust me there are stories that I could relate growing up that would make one wonder how I managed to survive without completely losing my mind). So what more can I do other than give the ultimatum that this ends or I leave the man that I do love and care for because he can't see the hurt he's caused?
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