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Old 06-26-2012, 09:28 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485
Default My next poly-challenge: boyfriend going on date, how to stay calm?

so, tonight my boyfriend is going on a date and I'm freaking out.
a little background... We've been together since January and it's going great. I have no reasons to doubt his sincerity, his commitment or his love. In fact if I would mention all the reasons why I can feel secure in this relationship, I would feel even more stupid for starting this thread.
But, but but... I'm freaking out. Panicky, heart racing, on the verge of crying and very emotional.

When we got together he had another girlfriend and it did not bother me much when he went on dates with her. I think there are several reasons I felt so different about that.. first of all, our relationship wasn't that serious yet. Also, because she was there from the start she did not feel like a threat at all. I did not like when they broke up - most of all because it made C feel sad, but also because it made our relationship more unbalanced. I am married and also have another lover - who is more like a FWB now, but still.

But now.. oh boy I hate feeling like this. Jealous, insecure, worried, obsessing. He met the woman he's meeting tonight online, this is their first date IRL. She's married (so I keep telling myself at least she will not be the mono girl I'm gonna lose him to, but then again, how will I know, and these thoughts are stupid anyway, he could always leave me for whatever reason).

I need some peace of mind and I have no idea where to find it.

I have sent him a short email this morning to wish him fun tonight and also to mention that I won't text him tonight (we text every night before going to bed). I don't want to text him when he's on a date but most of all (I did not tell him this) I don't want to text him and then wonder why he's not texting back.
I did not ask for any reassurance from him yet he sent me a very sweet email that in case I am nervous about the date, that he loves me and has every intention to be with me and further develop our relationship.

I really have nothing to wish for from him, he does everything right. And I could never (rationally or emotionally) object to him becoming involved with someone else. It's the poly thing to do, right? But.... I guess it all comes down to the fear of not being good enough, and that IF he becomes involved with someone else, he will like her more, and eventually leave me.
It's my messed up mind that's playing tricks on me.
Any thoughts about how to keep sane until I hear from him again (which won't be until tomorrow morning...)

Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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