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Old 06-26-2012, 01:06 AM
openminds openminds is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Default In Love With My Best Friends Wife: Looking For Advice

sorry if there's another thread like this out there. I looked, but I didn't see one.

backstory: My best friend and his wife are poly. They are both currently dating other people, and have a very good setup regarding negotiation, boundaries, communication, etc. I've been spending a lot of time with them recently, and I've found myself incredibly attracted to his wife on a very deep emotional level (I don't want to actually call it "love", because I think that's kind of melodramatic, but it was the easiest thing to say in the title). She acts very much like she reciprocates these feelings, but of course, I can't know for sure unless I ask.

So my question is, how should I see if this is something I can pursue? I'm currently single, and I've always been monogamous. I've never tried poly, but I've talked with them before about how I don't think its for me. but I would really, really be interested in trying to date this particular woman in this particular poly setup.

my problem is that I'm worried that my best buddy, who usually doesnt really have any problems with his wife dating whoever, might have a problem with me, specifically, dating her. I consider the friendship of both of them to be very important to me, and I'm don't like the idea of putting my ability to stay friends with them in jeopardy.

So. If I were smart, how would I do this? Should I try to talk to my friend first, or his wife first? Should I get them both together and bring it up at the same time? If I think my friend might have a problem with it, should I suck it up and leave them alone? What kinds of issues can I expect to run into that might surprise a usually mono person?

Last edited by openminds; 06-26-2012 at 01:20 AM.
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