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  #1  
Old 06-21-2012, 01:37 PM
PolyOttawa PolyOttawa is offline
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Default Hello from Ottawa!

Hey there forum peeps!

We are a happily married couple living in Ottawa, On, Canada aged 28 and 32. She is bi-sexual while I am straight.

We've been playing around for a few years, some unicorn hunting and swapping, went to a few swinger clubs but never really felt part of that scene. We've become more and more interested in polyamory, we're quite happy with each other but don't fully buy into monogamy. Our experience has always been that love multiplies, not divides, but I'm sure I'm 'preaching to the choir' here.

I'd put us somewhere between 'poly-curious' and 'poly-amorous'... not total newbies but not yet fully committed. We've yet to have a full-on relationship with a 3rd party, just a series of short-term hook-ups - so we've not yet had the chance to fully explore this. This is definately due to a lack of opportunity rather than interest, Ottawa is a beautiful city but it does lack a certain amount of excitement and open minded people at times. We're also relatively new to the city (a couple of years), so if there's any other people on here within a couple hundred kms of Ottawa, would love to hear from you.

We're here because - well, we realise we're different and are trying to find others like us. Like everyone else here we're trying to find people to make a connection with, but we're also interested in discussing issues and challenges experienced while attempting polyamory. Any advice on how/where to meet like-minded people is also appreciated.

Thanks for hosting this excellent discussion board, and we look forward to getting to know all of you better!

A&M - PolyOttawa
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  #2  
Old 06-21-2012, 02:03 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Welcome to the Forum.

Luckily, there is a poly group in Ottawa which might take care of part of the meeting like minded people part. There's a page you can look up on FB which will tell you how to ask permissions for the secret group.
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  #3  
Old 06-21-2012, 02:49 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Welcome from just across the border (and down a bit!) :-)

In addition to the FB group, there appears to be two Yahoo groups based around poly in the nation's capital. Of the two, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ottawa-Polyamory/ looks the more active, saying that they have meetings every second Thursday of the month. The other, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-Polyamory-Ottawa/ is difficult to see how active thy are when it comes to socials (they say the "bi and poly" community - not sure if they mean bisexual or bilingual ;-) )

Having face-to-face socials which aren't "meat-markets" is a really good idea, in my opinion - it allows you to just "be" with people who get it and develop friendships or deeper connections based on true interactions, not some forced expectations that are often there on dating sites.

I wish you luck!
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Old 06-23-2012, 01:17 AM
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Greetings PolyOttawa,
Just wanted to add my welcome to the forum.

In addition to checking out those local groups, you'll have good opportunity to interact from poly folk from all over on these boards. Check out some of the various threads, and post it if you have any thoughts, questions, or concerns to share.

Glad to have you amongst us!
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #5  
Old 06-25-2012, 09:22 AM
BirthofVenus BirthofVenus is offline
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I'm new to this site and engaged in a relationship with a common-law couple with quite a few kids. I live in Ottawa too. Some of my friends here know that I'm involved with the couple. Some only think that I'm a close friend of theirs, I'm not interested in dating at the moment (I'm a catch beyond belief, if I became single, I'd not be single for too long. I tell them I'm working on *me* to keep the questions low.), and have been involved with them for well over a year.

I didn't go into this expecting to be in this 'situation'. I had been broken up with my bf for a couple of months. Lost a lot of local friends in the breakup. Was utterly lonely. I created an account on PoF where I met the man and it started from there. I was originally under the impression that he's allowed extra curricular activities. I initially just wanted the company. Not sexually though. Just to talk to another human being and engage with one. My ex-bf is originally from here. I'm not. I moved here to be with him. My family and friends are miles upon miles away. I chose to stick it out and prove to myself I didn't come here just for him. I came here to start my own life too.

Anyways. He and I chatted endlessly for days before meeting for lunch. I felt such chemistry spark up when we finally went out together for that lunch. He and I took a little bit to take it to full throttle. We had about a month of just 'us' until I met his common-law 'wife'.

Their family and mine (with my cousin and her bf as an exception) don't know about what's going on. I'm *her* friend and come around to spend time with the family. It's well managed for the most part. I need to be able to keep a job that allows flexibility in scheduling to accommodate the rule of him and I spending solo time during business hours. No sleepovers for him and I. Should I want to be overnight with him, it's to be done in their house, when the kids are asleep/away, I stay in the guestroom, we three have our 'fun', or just him, and I. However, he goes to bed with her. Those are her rules though.

He and I wish we could at least have a night a week together to feel some sort of normalcy. Which is where the majority of the issues come from. Her accommodations aren't to be questioned or I'm gone. Which makes me unhappy. My wants/needs outside of her restrictions are greatly accommodated only by him and she doesn't yield to what I really want much. She's too stubborn and I'm not trying to replace her which is what a couple of other girls have tried to do in the past.

I know he'll never be mine. I know he'll never marry me. However, I don't want to let this relationship go cause it's the most beautiful one I've ever been in when it's just him and I. I've never felt so comfortable, in my own skin, loved, cared for, able to just be me with anyone. Not even my family and I come from a pretty amazing family too. He's a great practise husband and throughout the evolution of my relationship with *them*... I've become even more of an amazing woman and more desirable wife material with how I've become so much more domesticated. I'm significantly younger than they are. I'm in my mid 20's. They're in their 40's.

If I could have him clone himself, be exactly like the original, have him share the second version of him with me, I think it's safe to say I'd be more than happy to spend a thousand lifetimes with this man. Everything I do largely is to please and submit to him. I'm not bi-sexual or bi-curious. I don't really engage more than kissing in our threesomes. It's to please him, he enjoys having the woman who get him going most, and hold a place in his heart side by side to make love to.

Her and I just have the issues in everything because there's a lot of tension. I can't really break it or I'll lose what I have with him. It's largely to do with going back with my wants/needs not being completely fulfilled in the sense of the three of us with just him and I. It's frustrating more often than not.

With this lifestory... what I'm trying to say is please if you're new to this make sure all parties are 1,000,000,000% in tune with each other. Not one person feels deprived, frequently jealous, etc... cause there will be problems!

I balled my eyes out watching Sister Wives earlier on for the first time in ages. I envy how the women can so openly be with one another and he's able to be more equally engaged with one.

I know I have the choice to leave this but he's been the best man to walk into my life. I don't want to part with him in that sense. I know one day I'll have to but why not just enjoy it while I can?
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  #6  
Old 06-25-2012, 04:42 PM
PolyOttawa PolyOttawa is offline
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Thanks all for the replies - what a welcoming community

@ImmaginaryIllusion - do you by chance have the name/link for that group? Or know how to join it? I can't seem to find it using the search, though maybe that's the point - hah!

@CielDuMatin - thanks for the welcome and the advice. We have found those groups but they don't appear to be all that active. Admittedly I'm not helping that situation by not posting myself! Def agree on face-to-face connection, chemistry is so important for us. Have you had success at all meeting people in non-poly group situations, or is it typically through your local poly network?

@kdt26417 - thanks! Def will be around her more and look forward to contributing. So nice to feel welcomed here.

@BirthofVenus - thank you for the advice. I hope you can find a resolution to your situation.
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  #7  
Old 06-25-2012, 05:08 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyOttawa View Post
@CielDuMatin - thanks for the welcome and the advice. We have found those groups but they don't appear to be all that active. Admittedly I'm not helping that situation by not posting myself! Def agree on face-to-face connection, chemistry is so important for us. Have you had success at all meeting people in non-poly group situations, or is it typically through your local poly network?
Deifnitely make a post to say hi, and ask if anyone is interested in meeting... you may find a few folks come out of the woodwork
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  #8  
Old 06-25-2012, 05:27 PM
PolyOttawa PolyOttawa is offline
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Fortune favors the bold, as they say...
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  #9  
Old 06-26-2012, 04:37 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Check the Community Page here:
https://www.facebook.com/PolyOttawa

The page only has one Friend, and she's the gatekeeper to ask for permission.
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  #10  
Old 06-26-2012, 12:27 PM
PolyOttawa PolyOttawa is offline
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Thank you!
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