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Old 06-25-2012, 03:52 AM
jerflan jerflan is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 7
Default Help with Nonmonogamy

Hi all,

I apologize if my inquiry is similar to others on here, but from my perusal, I was unable to find anything tat directly related to what I'm here for.

I've been with my partner for 2 1/2 years and we have been consistently grappling with how to make our nonmonogamous agreement work. Originally it was his request, and over time, I certainly like aspects of it, but I suffer from a sometimes unhealthy amount of jealousy. Here's some background.

When I play outside of our relationship, it's typically with someone I've met on an online forum, mobile app, or out at a club, and our connection is physical and usually non-repeating. This satisfies me as my sexual interests differ greatly from that of my partner. When he plays, it's often with friends, involves an emotional connection as well, and in several instances is an infrequent but regular occurrence. This is the part that makes me jealous. I'm very fearful that someone will try to take him from me, or less so that he will grow to love someone more than me.

In an effort to find a common ground, we have adapted our rules many times, with no success. Most recently, we closed the relationship as an experiment. It yielded a lot of positive things and brought us closer in many respects, but we both knew it was not a lasting solution.

In an effort to combat my demons of jealousy, I suggested we now try the complete opposite, and open the relationship without any of the previous rules (which were mostly to assuage my concerns). This weekend is SF Pride, and my partner went up, and I stayed home. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to test out this new phase. I had someone over on Friday, as per my normal procedure. He was fine with it. I'm fairly certain he has already enjoyed others, but again, this feeling of someone taking him from me, especially when I'm not there, is eating away at me. I really want to make this work, and learn to deal with these issues.

If there are others who have encountered similar experiences, or know how to beat the jealousy, I'd be ever so grateful!

Thanks for reading!

~J
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jealousy, non-monogamy, open relationship

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