Question for the ladies

[threesnocrowd]

Very interesting comments folks. What is the difference then between polyamory in a MFM triad and cuckolding then? Would love to hear your thoughts. Ok, from the ladies AND the guys. Take it away...

[CielDuMatin]

cuckolding is specifically about a sexual act. Polyamory is about relationships that can include sex.

Cuckolding has one very specific dynamic (the husband being "forced" to watch another man "take" his wife), whereas with polyamory the dynamics can be far more varied.

The goal with cuckolding is to either screw another man's wife while he watches, to be screwed by another guy while your husband watches, or to watch another guy screw your wife. Polyamory is about having a life, encouraging and nurturing growth, taking responsibility for your decisions and relationships, being open and honest with everyone around you.... while having great sex.

I would suggest, therefore, that they are in no way similar.

[PinkDragon]

A slight twist on what Ciel said... my understanding of cuckolding is that the "husband" is forced to watch another man /take/ his wife, and not in a good way. That it's intended to wound emotionally.

[km34]

I like Ciel has it down pretty well...

Cuckolding is about the humiliation of watching your SO with someone who is supposed to be able to satisfy better than you are. So, a man watching his wife with a guy with a much larger penis. The point is that you are humiliated.

A triad or even a vee in a poly situation shouldn't be about humiliation. Poly is a loving connection between multiple people. Could cuckolding be a part of a poly situation? Yes, but in a traditional cuck relationship, the third person (the second guy in the example) is only involved sexually, not romantically. So, while they could overlap, I don't think they are inherently connected at all.

[nycindie]

Polyamory is all about the love, dahling. Love and loving, caring actions, with complete honesty and consent. To many people, having polyamorous relationships does not necessarily mean they all involve sex. Folks can have loving, non-sexual partners as part of their polyamorous tangle. But when the relationships are sexual, it doesn't mean all people in a poly tangle are involved with each other nor have sex together. A poly person can maintain separation between all their relationships. Being or practicing poly just means you have multiple, ongoing, loving, committed relationships, in whatever form they take.

Cuckolding and hotwifery is all about the sex, dahling. They are sexual fetishes.

BIG DIFFERENCE!!

[Tonberry]

To sum up, cuckolding can happen in a polyamorous relationship, or in a relationship that isn't polyamorous, and many (probably most) polyamorous relationships don't involve cuckolding.

[idealist]

Originally Posted by threesnocrowd

Why do I enjoy watching my wife have sex with another man?

And if you are ever in the same situation where you are with another man and your husband/bf is watching - how does it make you feel that he enjoys watching you make love to another man? What goes through your mind?

Am I nuts...?

I'm going back to the original topic first. I'm a voyeur and and exhibitionist. I enjoy watching other people have sex when they are turned on by having me and/or others watch them. And- I enjoy having people watch me have sex when they are getting stimulated by watching me/us.

For me, it's an interactive thing where the voyeurs are an important part of the experience and can also affect the experience.

Often times, the roles change- for example one or more of the voyeurs may be asked to join in and one or more of the exhibitionists may step out and begin to watch.

What does this have to do with polyamory? I agree with the others- not much. Polyamory is about relationships. Voyeurism and exhibitionism are sexual behaviors.

[Aurelie26]

My boyfriend Nathan wants to watch Scott And I having sex. It is something that I was hoping he would lose interest in once he got to actually know him, he hasn't though, he still wants to watch us. It's not something that I'm that comfortable with, and I don't really understand it.

The 'cuckold' thing has been discussed on my own thread, it's something that Nathan and I have also talked about. It was fun for him, but as he has said himself in one of his posts, it was only fun while it was fun, and done during sex play. The minute I tried to talk about it seriously, while we were not being sexual, he lost all interest.

He was turned on by me talking about how Scott had a bigger dick, and how he lasts longer, and how he gives me more orgasms. Why? He says that it turns him on to think of me getting that much pleasure, he also says that is why he wants to watch us. To see that!

There is no humiliation aspect to it though.

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by polyq4

i am also not a lady however, i have many a time watched our BF make love to my wife, watching her cum watching her writhe in enjoyment, how beautiful that is. i have also seen her do this with me so its a beautiful thing, those who dont enjoy this are letting jealousy get in there way. (IMHO)

I'm an exhibitionist, but not so much a voyeur. I love being in public and having orgasms so loud that the whole room is compelled to turn and watch. But when other people take over the stage, I go "meh" and go sit in the chill-out room and chat with my friends.

I completely disagree that not enjoying watching my husband have sex or play with other people means I'm letting jealousy get in the way.

That's like saying people who don't enjoy gay sex are letting homophobia get in the way. Or maybe it's possible they just care for gay sex...

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by km34

A triad or even a vee in a poly situation shouldn't be about humiliation. Poly is a loving connection between multiple people. Could cuckolding be a part of a poly situation? Yes, but in a traditional cuck relationship, the third person (the second guy in the example) is only involved sexually, not romantically. So, while they could overlap, I don't think they are inherently connected at all.

I would add that unless all people are experienced in D/s, and the person being humiliated gets some kind of satisfaction out of being humiliated, then this kind of dynamic would likely put a lot of strain on a polyamorous relationship. It's one thing when the "better man" goes home, never to be seen again or at least not to be seen intimately on a regular basis... but a big part of jealousy is insecurity, and this is one of the few things that can truly give a person reason to feel justifiably insecure...