Where Does It END?

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

What we WANT is ONE more woman to create a CLOSED poly-quad. So both men would share both women, and if that woman was bi (as am I) then we may share one another as well. But no one else involved sexually.

WOW, that's quite the unicorn you search for! heh

[Ceoli]

I have a potential partner who is part of an extensive poly network. Although we haven't gotten physical yet, we have already discussed where the boundaries and expectations are with regards to being safe when we do get physical. Those same boundaries and expectations are in place for everyone in that network (it should be noted that they are pretty much the normal boundaries one would expect safe sex practices). In addition, metamours will frequently be proactive about sharing their test results with each other. Basically, everyone in the network takes personal responsibility and common standard for practicing safe sex. This also means that if I were to pursue a sexual relationship with him, I would be agreeing to not only take active responsibility for my safe sex practices, but I would also be agreeing to only take on partners who do the same.

Since these are things I'd want to do anyway, it's not an issue for me. (I should also note that taking on such responsibility means that my partner should be completely comfortable discussing sexual history and personal sexual health and practices- if they aren't, that's a big red flag for me)

As far as how far it goes, even in a monogamous relationship you'll find that the web extends pretty far once you start including past partners and partners of past partners. In a poly network, it's just that some of those partners are current rather than past. In some ways it can be safer because it's a lot easier to track down and communicate with a current partner about something that may come up than it is to talk with past partners who are long gone.

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by redpepper

WOW, that's quite the unicorn you search for! heh

Naw-not really. We're not searching. It would be awesome-but we aren't holdling our breaths, putting out ads or even looking.
If it's meant to be-it will be. If it's not-the opportunity won't arise.

In hte meantime what we are searching for is to enjoy what we do have.

I think that is key to where most people go wrong.

They spend their time neglecting today in hopes of finding tomorrow. There is no other woman here right now. BUT today is wonderful! We're learning, we're growing and we're loving one another. WHY would we be focused on "what if?"

That would be wasting the time we have together today.

Some things in life you plan for and strategize for. Falling in love is not (my opinion) one of them. People walk into your life and walk out as well. If someone walks in-and falls in love with us-and we with her GREAT. If someone walks in and falls in love with Maca and he with her-GREAT. If someone walks in and falls in love with GG and he with her-GREAT. If someone walks in and wants to be part of the family as a friend or "extra aunt/uncle" etc GREAT. There is no "slot" they need to fill. They will be who they are and fit in how they will. It's all good.

It's ok to say "wow this would be awesome" but once you set your mind to searching for it-well then you are on a road to misery if you ask me.

[redpepper]

Amen sister. Sounds like you are in a good place. I'm happy for you

[lipsnlace]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

If it's meant to be- it will be. If it's not- the opportunity won't arise.

I completely agree! I've had friends ask if my primary and I are looking for lovers just because we decided to be poly. Before our lovers came into our lives, we we had decided that being poly suited us, but we weren't actively looking for people. It wouldn't seem right to me to actively search for someone to love, which is what it means to us.

Thank you for putting it so eloquently!

[Mike]

Originally Posted by lipsnlace

It wouldn't seem right to me to actively search for someone to love, which is what it means to us.

And more time than no, when you quit looking for something, that is when it finds you.