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  #11  
Old 06-19-2012, 11:56 AM
Adam Adam is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Central New York
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Thanks everyone for the input.
As I stated at the beginning of my post, this was just a rant. I'm fairly realistic about any relational possibilities, now or in the future. I'm really, truly just hoping to meet a few folks and make some friends, as I have been putting most other priorities before that.
Mostly, my angst comes from the natural human reaction to seeing my wife find someone lickedy-split and wishing for something as well. Gavin (Pedestrian Polyamory podcast) phrased it well when he said something along the lines of "You have ice cream, and it's not that I want you to not have ice cream. I just would like some ice cream, too".

So, if anyone's in the CNY area (you know who you are) and either wants to hang out sometime, or if you have kids, get together for a playdate, feel free to message me

Thanks again all, I'm really appreciating this community we have here!
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  #12  
Old 06-19-2012, 01:14 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
If you don't have time to go to a social meeting to make friends (and perhaps find potential partners), how will you have time to date potential partners?
I think that this is a major part of this. Thank you, NR, for saying it so succinctly. It really doesn't matter how much competition there is out there, or how many available people there are - if you have absolutely no time to get out and meet them, then this is what will ultimately stop you from meeting someone. Or do you really want an online-only relationship? I am guessing not.

In your first post, you asked for Wisdom and advice, so this wasn't just a rant. Folks are providing that for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
Personally? I've always done better making friends and then realizing I'd like to date them, than I have 'meeting dates.'
This too - there's way too much pressure on the "straight to dating" thing, which is why I think OKC can be major stress.

I strongly suggesting signing up a more local group, and seeing if there are more local folks who would like to get together, maybe with the kids.
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  #13  
Old 06-19-2012, 02:12 PM
Magenta Magenta is offline
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How many kids do you have and how old are they?
And how on earth can you be a full-time stay at home dad and a full-time student at the same time?! Do you have a clone?

I think, independently of dating someone, you should get time for yourself.

Can't your wife have some regular evenings with the kid(s) and you hang out with friends?
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  #14  
Old 06-19-2012, 02:50 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by Adam View Post
CielDuMatin,
Firstly, I too am on OKCupid and share your progress. I am starting to feel that such sites are merely for men to pursue women and women to receive attention.
I'm an old, fat guy and I average a couple of visitors a week on my OKC profile. I receive a new message at least once a month. I send a couple of messages out each month and get a response from one in five.

Nobody who has contacted me has stated they find my handsome mug compelling--it's always "I read your profile and found it interesting." Update your profile regularly. I suspect writing notes/blog posts/whatever OKC calls them would also garner some interest.

And my new partner approached me on OKC a few weeks back. I suspect that illustrates that the site isn't just for women to get attention from men.

So, while my wife gets much more attention from other people most of the time, I'd say that's a difference between male and female dating strategies as experienced in our culture. I never expect to get the obvious attention my wife gets.
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  #15  
Old 06-19-2012, 03:39 PM
Adam Adam is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Central New York
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magenta View Post
How many kids do you have and how old are they?
And how on earth can you be a full-time stay at home dad and a full-time student at the same time?! Do you have a clone?

I think, independently of dating someone, you should get time for yourself.

Can't your wife have some regular evenings with the kid(s) and you hang out with friends?
No clones, just some rather tight scheduling.
I have 2 kids, my son is 6yrs and daughter is 12 months.
I'm able to juggle so far with the help of a really great mom (who's also a former teacher from my son's school) who provides cheap daycare. I do some online courses, but mostly on-campus. During the regular school season, I schedule my classes in one block, early in the morning. Then it's off to pick up the kids, drag 'em home, play for a bit, fix dinner, tuck 'em in and settle into homework.
Up until last week, my wife worked full time (she was a full time student until last year, too. She graduated with a B.A. in historical studies) and she didn't come home until around dinner time.
Currently, we're getting ready for a family trip back home in Maine, so the evenings alone with friends wont come until we get back, but it's definitely in the works.

So, all in all, my time has been more tied-up recently for various reasons and I've spent almost all of it at home. From here onward this will change and I'll be investing some of that time into my social life.

Most of your responses ('your' meaning the community here) have, if nothing else, helped to re-ground me, so thank you. I was terrible at social intricacies in high school, and some of that has been starting to haunt me
A deep breath, patience and some faith go a long way.
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