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Old 06-17-2012, 01:33 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Like rory wrote, the visit was quite emotional. I felt sorry for rory for having to be there for the two of us and having her own things to deal with on top of that. It must be quite hard. But like rory, I'm also really happy about the comfort we have. Me and Alec can both show that we're not feeling good and I do like that we're able to do that around each other.

I'm moving to Dream City in about 2 months. I already brought one big suitcase full of stuff and left it at rory and Alec's place. I'll pick it up from there when I've settled in my new apartment. The move is causing me quite a bit of stress and anxiety. Am I really sure I want to do this? What if I hate it? What about the people I leave behind? This is a huge decision. I'm also hopefully changing from my freelance job to a basic office hours job which would give me more security but less flexibility. This is a change I'm looking forward to even though it has its downsides as well. I'm just tired of all the insecurity and stress that my current job has caused me so I'm hoping these things will get better if I get the job I've applied for (which I think I have good changes of getting) or some other job in Dream City.

One of the things me and rory discussed while I was there was moving. Now that Alec is about to leave his job, they might be moving away from their current city. One of the choices is Dream City which would obviously be perfect from my point of view. However, another choice is to leave Wonderland. The very country where I'm moving to. This possibility - even though nothing's been decided yet - has made me very sad. Then again, the possibility of rory in Dream City is making me excited like nothing else. So you can imagine the mixed feelings I'm having over a decision I have no control over. I know this decision is hard for rory and Alec, but it has such a big impact on me too, that this is quite an emotional time for all of us.

Back home I ran into Bob when I was out with friends. We ended up going to his place again and this time we had a great conversation. I asked about his thoughts on us and he said he's been thinking if there is a "purpose" in what we're doing. I asked if by purpose he means future and he said yes. I said that the reality is we're both moving away soon, but that I like what we have and I like him. I said I'm going to be sad when this has to end in a couple of months but I think that is not a reason to stop now. We both agreed that we should really try to enjoy what we have for the time being but not expect anything from the future. I feel like I laid all the cards on the table and he knows exactly where I stand regarding us. That feels good. He's also been incredibly sweet to me, telling me I'm special and that I deserve the best. He even kissed me and held my hand in public which was surprising because I thought he wanted to keep a low profile. Well, the hand holding happened outside the city center so I guess that was a bit safer but to be honest I'm a bit worried about the kisses. I don't know who saw us, but I just hope nobody who likes to spread rumours. Then again, that is the least of my worries right now.
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My live-in partners: rory and Hank
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