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  #21  
Old 05-19-2012, 05:52 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I guess this is one of those gray areas, as far as communication is concerned. If you feel like you need to say something for your own peace of mind, I guess that's one thing, although even then wait a few hours or something. Let her have her moment.

She may just be "venting" to you, which would mean advice and reminders isn't something she'd need at that time. Perhaps the thing to say would be to simply acknowledge what she's saying, and let her know you're there for her, for whatever she may need, be it thoughts, advice, or just a listening/sympathetic ear.

This is especially true if she already knows how you feel about the situation. If she doesn't, and your feelings are pretty strong, it might be good to tell her but at the "right time and place."

If she never actually spends any more time with Bent, then he's technically not affecting your relationship with her any longer. However, if it seems to you like she is obsessing over Bent, and that it is negatively affecting your relationship with her, then you have a legitimate concern to bring up at some point.

Since you are just emerging from your period of estrangement, things might be a little sensitive in certain emotional areas, so it's a good idea to approach things slowly and cautiously. To quote Stephen Covey, seek first to understand (and then to be understood). Sometimes just repeating back to her what she said in your own words, will give her that feeling that you're listening and that you're there with her. That may be all she needs.
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  #22  
Old 06-16-2012, 07:43 PM
Deerinthewoods Deerinthewoods is offline
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Default Working through, coming to an end?

Haven't written for some time and things have really changed in the past month and a half. We did communicate about things, then last week I let a bomb go off. I told Blu that in the early years of our marriage , I had had an affair.
I figured if we were going to set out on a poly amorous course that I needed to come clean about that, so that we could move in an honest way. But of course , it didn't go over well. I had been keeping it a secret for far too long.
And of course, she doesn't trust me now.

So point taken that it would take years to get to a true poly amorous situation, especially now. She might just seek out a new monogamous relationship. I am willing to work on the relationship with her and we will probably go to counselling.

She did see Bent again, who told her his relationship with his gf was an open one. But now she doesn't want to see him because she links him with me. Hard times.
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  #23  
Old 06-16-2012, 09:04 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sorry to hear about that. Give it some time, time sometimes has a way of healing these wounds (but it is not easy).
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