Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

View Poll Results: How much of your leisure time is spent interacting with other poly folk?
0-20% 18 60.00%
21-40% 5 16.67%
41-60% 2 6.67%
61-80% 3 10.00%
81-100% 2 6.67%
Voters: 30. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-15-2012, 01:44 PM
hyperskeptic's Avatar
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 401
Default In what social circles do you move?

A thread on another forum has brought up a question that has troubled my mind from time to time.

People who think of themselves as polyamorous constitute a small minority in societies in which monogamy is entrenched in attitudes and institutions. Not only that, but we are a minority that would be reviled more than almost any other, were we to come to the attention of many in the mainstream.

There may be a tendency to gravitate toward one another, to seek one another out for mutual support and mutual protection, to circle the wagons.

Add to this the fact that life in modern societies has become more and more about privacy, less and less about community engagement. We have reduced most of our incidental interactions with others to economic transactions, and those increasingly at an anonymous distance. Socially, we have retreated first into our living rooms and private clubs, then into social media and various online cliques.

In some ways of telling the story, polyamory really only got started as this kind of chosen community: people sought and found one another online, and networks began to form. This forum is an example.

Here's what I wonder, though. I know a handful of people whose leisre-time social circles - that is, social connections outside family, work, and school - consist almost entirely of people who are both poly and kinky.

That's a small sample, but I wonder if it is indicative of a trend, perhaps even an innate tendency in polyamory as it has developed.

So, thinking about your social interactions other than those associated with family, work, and school, and aside from time spent with partners/lovers/SOs, how much of your social time is spent interacting with other poly folk, whether online or in person?

This is an entirely unscientific poll, probably ill-structured and otherwise flawed, but I hope it might get an interesting conversation going.
__________________

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin

"Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Last edited by hyperskeptic; 06-15-2012 at 01:54 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-15-2012, 02:37 PM
PinkDragon PinkDragon is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 90
Default

I'd have to say about 5% of my time is spent with other poly folk and that's only online. It's not like there's a huge pile of poly folk in my little burg.
__________________
Pinky, 41, f, bi. Married to Bear, 42, m, straight.
Not dating anyone right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.--EAP
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-15-2012, 06:57 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Brazil
Posts: 151
Default

None. I have gone to one poly meeting, and I met a cute girl there. There was a bi guy checking me out as well, I guess, but I was not physically attracted to him.

I`m supposed to go out to "teach her pool" this weekend, but I haven`t contacted her. I`m kind of freaking out. It would be my first date with someone who self-identifies as poly, and who`s already got a relationship.

The fact that I`m more of an open relationships guy, rather than poly, and therefore lean more toward a DADT and NSA background, and she`s so vocal about the L-bomb, kept me from contacting her thus far.

But, I think I will. She`s pretty. A thread on that later.
__________________
Independent, sex-positive, bi-curious, private, atheist, elitist, athletic dude.

Last edited by feelyunicorn; 06-15-2012 at 07:33 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-15-2012, 07:14 PM
RfromRMC's Avatar
RfromRMC RfromRMC is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Raleigh/Durham, North Carolina
Posts: 239
Cool

Outside of work and family? Hmmmmm....

I would have to say my circle of friends is currently almost half Poly folks. I might have a slight bit more non-poly friends, if you're talking pure numbers. But if accounting for frequency of how much I hang out with whom, then a slight edge to the Poly's.
__________________
Just Rob now. That's all. .


In North Carolina? Check out: facebook.com/ncPoly
In Raleigh/Durham? Check out www.meetup.com/TrianglePolyamory
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-15-2012, 07:38 PM
Alleycat's Avatar
Alleycat Alleycat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 78
Default

There's a few poly folk locally, but I move in different social circles than they do. We have some overlap within the BDSM community but don't really have much to do with each other. The local poly group also tends to run events that conflict with my work schedule so I normally don't make it out to their meetings/munches/ect.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-15-2012, 08:36 PM
RainyGrlJenny's Avatar
RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 173
Default

Very little. My boyfriend's wife and her boyfriends are it, and I very rarely socialize with them other then to say hi if we run into each other at his home.

I used to go to the local poly potluck/meeting occasionally, but it's been years since I've done that. None of my friends/family are poly, and Fly (live-in boyfriend) doesn't really do sustained relationships. He's invited his playmates over once in a while if we're having a big BBQ or house party, but I don't always know who he's sleeping/slept with, and most of them identify as single or open, not poly.

Online is pretty much it, and "online poly" for me consists of this forum
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-15-2012, 08:52 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,373
Default

Do you really feel "we are a minority that would be reviled more than almost any other?" Poly is becoming more and more known, written about, reported on, and publicized, and I don't think it's true that polyfolk are more reviled than others.

And as far as being a chosen community, that is pretty much the case with any group of like-minded individuals or people with the same or similar interests. Of course people will seek others with whom they can share passions, interests, connection, camaraderie, etc. That's not very unusual.

I answered 0 to 20%.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-15-2012, 09:16 PM
hyperskeptic's Avatar
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 401
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Do you really feel "we are a minority that would be reviled more than almost any other?" Poly is becoming more and more known, written about, reported on, and publicized, and I don't think it's true that polyfolk are more reviled than others.
Maybe this is just an impression I have: for the mainstream American mindset, at least, poly is near the bottom of the slippery slope, just above (or next to?) bestiality or, as one especially dense public official would have it, marrying inanimate objects.

What piqued my curiosity is not that poly folk have found one another and have communities (like this one) for support and encouragement, but a vague impression that associations of poly folk might tend to become exclusive communities or cliques, or a primary focus of social life.

All I had were vague impressions, though, based on very limited experience and small sample sizes.

From the responses to the poll, it would seem that people who consider themselves poly are quite diverse, in this as in many other respects.
__________________

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin

"Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-16-2012, 03:10 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 577
Default

This came up just a night or two ago with my (poly/open) BF. He said apart from me and the few people in the group in which we met, virtually all his friends/ social life are from/with the kink/poly/open community.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-16-2012, 03:44 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,332
Default

Most of my socializing is in either (or both) poly or kink communities. It's been good for me, especially as my marriage ended. I now want to work on developing hobbies and other friendship sets. I worry a bit about putting my eggs all in one basket.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:17 PM.