Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 06-15-2012, 04:58 PM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,442
Default husband and best friend want to have sex

I'll try to be succinct, but more details may be necessary for clarification so please ask.

My best friend, practically my sister, is coming out of a psychologically and verbally abusive relationship. She lives in another city, and my husband works out of town about 1 hour away from her, on a 10-day-on/4-day-off cycle. He has been staying with her at night because she's afraid her ex will come back and do something stupid.

While they were together, they started having sexual feelings towards each other. They'd like to pursue a sexual, non-romantic relationship. Their motivation is a combination of "convenience sex" as well as reminding her that there are guys out there who aren't like her ex.

My husband has a long track record of successfully avoiding romantic feelings in sexual relationships, as well as letting girls down gently and remaining friends if they start to get attached. My friend has had fuck buddies before without getting attached. They've played together at fetish events before, and while it was a little weird after, there were no lasting effects on any of our relationships. They're both confident that they can avoid a romantic involvement.

Obviously, an arrangement like this (best friend with husband) can only work out if everyone is open and honest. That's already off to a bad start. First, they had "sexually charged cuddling" for two nights in a row before the question of sex was discussed with me. This has been addressed, but is still a cause for concern. Second, she doesn't communicate well and I don't think she's capable of being fully open and honest.

What are people's thoughts on this? Obviously I have some reservations or I wouldn't be posting, but I'm not sure how much of that is irrational fear, and how much is rational, based on reading failed experiences of others in similar situations.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 06-15-2012 at 07:37 PM.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 01:00 PM.