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Old 06-10-2012, 11:36 PM
allblackrum allblackrum is offline
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Default Its not as simple as you would think.

Iím a 46yr old Black man married to a 43yr old white woman and have been with my wife from 1986 and married to her for 18 yrs. We have tried swinging and also have been with other people on our own I have felt guilt and also that something is wrong and also at the same time fell this is how I am so it canít be all wrong. But just the same I have fallen in love with another woman and at the same time not fallen out of love with my wife; they are kind of the same but in some way just so different as night and day. I have instead on them not holding back and being real and not to hold any punches in how they fell, we have tried without the correct word to define what has been taking place and called it a love triangle, but did not set any ground rules, but itís made a lot of issues, as IM one person and cannot be with each of them in the way I would like jealousy, hate, anger and pain has been felt by everyone, all of which I have not taken the true time to address, as I kind of donít know what to do, one part of me says take charge and tell them how itís going to be as they both respond to a strong man but at the same time that leads me to think IM telling them how to be and itís not a mutual decision, and IM turned on when my women thinks on her own as well as to have a back bone and also go toe to toe with any of my crazy shit I bring to the party but, now they have both have told me itís a monogamist relationship or nothing else. If it were just sex the decision would be so easy, but I truly love the 2 of them. And have come up with I would rather end it with the 2 of them as to choose is like saying I love one more than the other or one is better than the other at the same time, if it somehow I do chose one over the other I can say with all the pain I have I would never ever want to love 2 women at the same time.
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Old 06-10-2012, 11:48 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by allblackrum View Post
Iím a 46yr old Black man married to a 43yr old white woman and have been with my wife from 1986 and married to her for 18 yrs. We have tried swinging and also have been with other people on our own I have felt guilt and also that something is wrong and also at the same time fell this is how I am so it canít be all wrong. But just the same I have fallen in love with another woman and at the same time not fallen out of love with my wife; they are kind of the same but in some way just so different as night and day.
So did your wife know about this other woman and agree to you having a relationship with her before the relationship really started?

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Originally Posted by allblackrum View Post
now they have both have told me itís a monogamist relationship or nothing else.
Is this because the "love triangle isn't working because you haven't worked out the details properly, or is this them telling you that polyamory isn't for them, and they are insisting on having 100% of you?
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Old 06-11-2012, 12:50 AM
allblackrum allblackrum is offline
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I would have to say itís the details, of the hows. How to deal with jealousy, hate, anger and pain, how to give the time, how to let them know that the love I have is real and not a game, how to show them there is not number 1 but there is differences that makes me love them and also loves them different .
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Old 06-11-2012, 02:50 AM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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So you didn't answer my first question, about how this came about...

If they have got to the point where they are not willing to work out the details, then this isn't going to work, because it's going to take everyone.
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Old 06-11-2012, 04:20 AM
allblackrum allblackrum is offline
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I knew the one woman for a few months, we talked had intreging conversation, I was drawn to her as she has a lot of the same trates my wife has smart, comparison, loving, open, and the ability to talk to my sole, but all we did was talk one day we met up had lunch, I had off for a week and a day latter I ask my wife to spend the day with me we went to an Indian Restorants and had a good time all up to a phone call from her and my wife flipped out not I would have taken her flipping out but when I thought back to the last time my wife went out and had sex with some one it made me think who is she to flip out on me over just talking to some one, so when I started a relation ship I let her know from day one
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Old 06-11-2012, 04:42 PM
msue msue is offline
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I don't feel you told your wife from day 1...the relationship began months before your initial encounter with her...you just didn't realize it at the time. You began having conversations which led to feelings.
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