Have a conversation with her about how you will approach her having feelings for someone else if it happens again. Don't let her off the hook by her saying that it won't happen again. As far as she can see at the moment I'm sure that she believes with all her heart that she won't ever develop feelings for anyone else during your marriage but since in her heart she believes in open relationships (and by extention having feelings for more than one person at a time) I predict that if it happens 5-10-15 years from now she's likely to keep it from you and have an affair if she thinks that the deal is monogamy or she's out.
Good call Derby. We did touch on this but I'll be sure to make it a conversation point.
The other guy is a mutual friend, and we've been pretty mum about this whole situation. I messaged him last night and he's open to starting a dialogue on this topic. This whole thing only went 'real' (ie: all 3 of us know that we ALL know) 9 days ago.
Any advice on how to proceed? My instincts (for all the good they've done me in the past) tell me to just go in with no agenda, let it flow organically and to stay. cool. I may find out that he's not willing to engage in poly with her if he knows I'm gonna be hurt by it and that might be the end of it.
As it stands right now, I will be hurt by even so much as a kiss. She knows that and I think he needs to know that, too. I am definitely OPEN to changing how I Feel about it but I don't know how to do that. I saw a great post here that talked about examining what i'm afraid of and dragging it into the light and taking a good long look at it.
Easier said than done?