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Old 05-26-2009, 05:39 PM
PlanetPurple PlanetPurple is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
Default Why the difference?

In my limited experience it seems that men are fine with having an affair with me, but the instant they learn that my husband knows about them and is okay with us being together, they RUN in the other direction.

Why is this?

Because of this I have never gotten to the point of physically consummating a poly relationship. I am now afraid I am about to lose yet another potential lover to this...shock...whatever it is. It makes me sick inside to see this pattern repeating itself. I don't meet men that I click with very often. This one is only my third potential lover in 20 years. Will I ever find a man who can comprehend 'sharing' me with my husband? (Not in a threesome sense, I'm not into that and neither is my husband.)

I thought this one was going to work because his wife suffers from a debilitating medical condition that makes it impossible for her to be physically intimate with him. I thought it was a perfect arrangement. He loves her and wants to stay married, but not be celibate for the rest of his life. I want to stay with my husband, and see this man too whenever we are able to make time for each other (it would be a semi-long distance thing). I've recently told this man what I want. Now he's fallen silent.

I hope he's just thinking things over. But I don't see how this takes so much extra thought. Just a few days ago he was gung ho about conducting a long term covert affair with me! Why does my husband's approval make it different?

I thought my being open about what I wanted would make things better all around. Having a Vee relationship is definitely better for me than sneaking around or terminating a solid 20 year marriage just so I can see this other guy on random weekends. I wonder if he expected me to leave my husband for him and place myself 'on reserve' for the times he can break away from his own family? That is hardly realistic or fair. I have never expected him to leave his wife, and I already told him that I expect and encourage him to still sleep with her whenever she is able/willing. How many women is he going to find who are okay with this sort of understanding? It seems ideal to me...yet he's gone very quiet now for a couple of weeks. I'm getting nervous.

Frustrating. I really love this guy. I don't want to lose him.
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