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Old 06-10-2012, 12:36 AM
Narayume Narayume is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9
Default Helping a mono along?

One of my partners is still struggling with polyamory and I would like to know if there is anything I can do to make the trip easier for him.

A bit of backstory: G and I were together for 6 years and then broke up. I got together with T, but made it clear that I would not be monogamous - T was fine with that. After a lot of talking G and I decide to give it another try: This time in a poly set up. However, G is mono. He has stipulated that he is only comfortable with T (who's been a close friend of both of us for years) as an additional partner. Both T and I are happy with that. Currently we make a very happy closed V

Nonetheless, this is still a large change for G and he is struggling - on one hand struggling with the repair work that has to be done when people give a relationship a second try that they had already given up on and on the other with there being two partners. He isn't jealous, but he says he still feels weird at times. Some days he feels like he is intruding on my relationship with T or T is intruding on G's and mine. He really struggles when I hold both of their hands for example, as part of his mind insists that there is one too many here.

He says himself that it is just a really big change and he will need time to get to terms with it - and indeed with time he has gotten more comfortable with the situation. However he still has days where he feels as described above. Other than giving him time and inviting him to express how he is feeling about it, is there anything else I can do to make this easier for him? Have people gone through this and found anything particularly helpful?

Also, on a less poly related note: is there anything that people who are rebuilding a relationship have found to be helpful (book, website, technique, anything)? Especially on the topic of rebuilding intimacy any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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