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Old 06-09-2012, 05:43 AM
SilverZe SilverZe is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 5
Default Is it Poly or am I the "other woman"?

I've met this great guy that I'm very similar to. I haven't felt a connection like this in a long time. We've hung out a few times as friends and each time it seems to get better. We have talked about many things, poly relationships being one of them.

We have expressed a mutual attraction and interest in each other, as well as interest in polyamory, specifically a triad relationship - 3 people together and mutually exclusive to each other (not sure about terminology). Though we also both said that monogamy could also work for us with the right person.

However he is currently dating someone else, a straight girl with no interest in polyamory though he told me that when they initially began dating the agreement was that he would be allowed to seek other partners, though their relationship would be his primary relationship.

Prior to meeting me, he broke up with her once because he found out she was stealing money from her mother and then he felt he could no longer trust her and lost most attraction to her. However because of his financial status he is stuck living with her and so decided to get back together with her as to not upset her, since he is dependent on her for transportation and cannot afford his own place.

We are heading in the direction of romance, and he says that his girlfriend is okay with this (she just wants to meet me sometime soon), but I'm kind of worried. I really want to believe it but I also don't want to be naive because I'm inexperienced.

Also from what he says and the way he acts towards her, I don't believe that he would stay with her if he could afford to move out. This is a sticky situation because it would be fairly obvious that he preferred me to her. I'm not even sure why she wants to stay with him because it's fairly obvious that he is not happy with her.

I'm just a little apprehensive. I really like this person but this is a complicated situation and is not really the type of poly relationship I am interested in (although he has also told me he that ideally this would not be the way he would like things, would prefer to not be with his current girlfriend at all).

I told him that I would only be okay with moving forward if his girlfriend really does consent to the arrangement but, well I am just looking for advice. What do you all think? Is this a bad situation to get into? Do you think he's being honest or do you think something sounds a miss? I understand it's not a lot to go on but it would just be nice to hear other opinions.

Thanks!
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