Originally Posted by Cleo
I think with me it has mostly to do with changes in the dynamic that I find upsetting. I have 2 lovers, and one of them already had another girlfriend when I met him. I've never ever been jealous of her. Part of that is because of who and what he is (extremely clear about his needs, intentions, and affections - no room for interpretation there) but it's also because I accepted the situation like that from the beginning.
My other guy was involved with someone when I met him and she broke up with him. I was upset when they broke up (change of dynamic) and I would be upset now when he meets someone new (again, change of dynamic). But I am changing the dynamics constantly and expect everybody else to be on board. Hm.
Cleo, It sounds to me that maybe "change" is a key issue here for you. When YOU make changes, you are more in control of what may happen. When someone else makes changes, you have less control over what could happen. You talk about how you want reassurance that you still have what you want/need from your other partner(s), even though you probably already have it. How do you deal with change and control in general, outside the poly aspect of your life?? Or perhaps it may only occur within relationship dynamics??