Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, etc. General Discussion

[Fiona]

One more thing that has just occurred to me: we've had issues with him bringing up other people in what are very physically and emotionally vulnerable moments (for instance, cuddling after sex.) We've talked about it before, and I thought he understood that it was an important boundary, but he did this recently, talking about the new person he's seeing and wondering if she had found it awkward when we met. Needless to say, I didn't take this well. I'm not asking him to never mention others, just not in these private and vulnerable moments. I don't think this is unreasonable, and I don't know what to do if he can't or won't respect this.

[nouryia]

Fiona, I hear what you're saying about not wanting all the NRE to go to his newest relationship. NRE is a great high and I still enjoy a lot of it with my b/f. But fact of the matter is, NRE doesn't last forever. At some point your relationship will transition to the more settled kind, with or without him dating someone new...just hold on, the love will still be there

And I totally understand that it is hard to adjust to your b/f dating when it's something he's hardly ever done since you've been together. Change is never an easy thing; it may take you a bit of time to adapt and that's okay. I think if he truly loves you he'll be happy to reassure you when needed and give you the time you need to accept his new relationship. Does he still give you the attention you need and deserve? Or have things changed to much too fast?

I'm sure him mentioning the new person during your 'special time' was probably just an oversight. He's probably not trying to hurt you...but sometimes guys can be oblivious. Next time, when he starts talking about the new lover, just gently shush him and remind him with a smile that you'd rather talk about something else NOW and her, later.

[Fiona]

Nouryia, thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply. Things have been moving pretty quickly, which is unsettling...but we've talked a lot recently, and he's been reassuring, which is very good. I think I just need time to get used to the idea. I asked my husband if I was like this when he started dating his current girlfriend, and he said yes. I just think I need to work on the way I handle change.

As for the mentioning of the new person in an intimate moment...gah. That stung. And I've made it clear to him before that it makes me uncomfortable. But I'll try your suggestion - thanks!