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Old 06-06-2012, 08:34 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Gaud I'm so sick of myself. How can I expect other people to enjoy my company when I don't enjoy it my self. I don't want to hang out with anyone right now. I don't even want to hear from people. Thankfully most people don't talk to me unless I reach out to them.

I'm not the best company. I don't feel particularly worthy or special in any way. I just feel like its an obligation to spend time with me and that people put in their time.

I'm not telling any of this to Mono. Maybe one day he will read this, but by then it will of passed so whatever. The expression on his face and what he says sometimes makes me realise he wishes he could run. I know how he feels, yet I stand firm that I am not going anywhere.

Tomorrow they are having a coffee date in the evening. I was asked if this is okay. How can one answer that? No = I am a controlling bitch who gets to say what happens when, yes = I don't care about you, do what you want. I feel like I am the bad guy in all this right now.
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bdsm, boundaries, breaking up, casual sex, children, coming out, coming out to family, communication, family, kids, mono poly, mono/poly, moving in, poly-fi, poly-fidelous, swinging, vee

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