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  #11  
Old 11-30-2009, 04:12 AM
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^^ That makes more sense to me!! LOL

And why wouldn't a bisexual man be just as in demand for a couple seeking a triad??

Personally... I think it might be just a tad unbalanced for men to called themselves poly but only be open to women. Poly is about LOVE, right? Not just wanted sexual entanglement. Love doesn't walk up to you and say 'drop your draws so I can check your genitals' before it strikes.
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  #12  
Old 11-30-2009, 01:41 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erosa View Post
^^ That makes more sense to me!! LOL

And why wouldn't a bisexual man be just as in demand for a couple seeking a triad??

Personally... I think it might be just a tad unbalanced for men to called themselves poly but only be open to women. Poly is about LOVE, right? Not just wanted sexual entanglement. Love doesn't walk up to you and say 'drop your draws so I can check your genitals' before it strikes.
Why would it be unbalanced only for men? There are a number of women on this forum who are involved with two or more men and the men don't have sexual relationships with each other.

Poly and sexual orientation are not synonymous. Not all poly people have to be bisexual, and not all bisexual people have to be poly. Single people can be gay, straight, or bi. Single people can be mono or poly.

It isn't really about "let me check your genitals before I fall in love with you". It's more like, "I am not sexually attracted to you if we have the same/different genitals". We don't need to discuss "what about pre-op transexuals" "what if this, what about that" contingencies. Besides, one usually has a pretty good idea what the other's genitals are before you fall in love with someone. I don't walk around checking out people's genitals and then say to myself "ok now I guess I can fall in love with you". Although I am bi, that's not really the point. The point is that I don't fall in love with everyone I meet, and I can usually tell if someone is male or female without examining their genitals. I realize that most people are on a continuum, but some people are straight, some are gay, and you can be poly and still only have sex with people of one gender or the other.
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  #13  
Old 11-30-2009, 02:48 PM
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Erosa, thank you for the post! I've come to the realization that there are others like me... (Yeah, that was a half-hearted quote from "The Last Unicorn.")

I have at various times been open to the idea of dating an established, loving, healthy couple, and have come very close to it. The first time it was a couple that invited me over for drinks and to "see where things would go," but things never went anywhere. None of us had enough guts to get anything going so we just sat around, listened to great music, talked about life and love, and I still count them among my good friends. If things had gone sexual, I doubt much would have changed. They're very sweet, decent people.

Another time I was approached by a physics professor and his Pagan wife. They were poly and the husband wanted to date me, but the wife was incredibly supportive... She even offered to give me one of her vegan cookbooks! They lived very far away and I soon found myself dating my current and we decided to be exclusive, so I never did go out with the professor, but I still think that might have been a good situation.

I think it all depends upon perspective. If everyone involved is clear on their expectations, I think it might be an okay situation for the unicorn. There have been times when I've admired both members of a couple and I've wanted very much to be with both of them, so I think a triad could be a beautiful thing with the right people involved. I'd wager so say someone out there is making it work, although they might be in a very slight minority!

I've been on both sides of this, though... I've also been in monogamous relationships where I thought it might be nice to include another person, but haven't for fear of jealousy and other such reasons. Still, if my partner and I hit it off with someone that was able to love both of us, was attracted to both of us, and wouldn't try to break us up or play mind games, (there's the rub,) I don't rule out the possibility of forming a triad. It's not a thing I think I'd like to actively seek out (that hasn't worked at all in the past) but if it happens, it happens.

Last edited by fauxsisticated; 11-30-2009 at 02:51 PM.
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  #14  
Old 11-30-2009, 09:36 PM
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Thank you everyone! This has really helped me learn. I appriciate it.
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  #15  
Old 10-12-2010, 05:42 PM
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Hmmm, I just got chatted by a man on okc, who has a bi gf and they want me! I am trying to feel them out. Asking the questions like, what if i like her more than you? What if I've spent the night, and you leave for work and she and I want to get it on while you're gone? Things like that...

Being with a cis-gendered woman again is on my to-do list. Ive struck out chatting bi and lesbian women on OKC. Maybe this is my chance for that.

We shall see... hope springs eternal. So far, I've only talked to the guy. He seems nice, and gave pretty good answers to my questions.
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  #16  
Old 03-23-2011, 10:03 PM
polynome polynome is offline
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Wink Do I qualify as a unicorn hunter?

So reading up about the issues have me a bit on the fence about whether I'm chasing unicorns or not. Here's the gist:

While we're not pursuing anything actively right now because my wife is beginning a new relationship, I am extremely excited at the thought of going on a date with a woman as a couple. I know that a bisexual girl interested in a polyamorous couple is a "unicorn" but I don't think I have quite the stringent requirements of most.

I'd be open to this theoretical woman being more interested in one of us or the other for a relationship though I hope she'd be open to some fun in the bedroom involving both of us. I'm open to both serious and casual relationships for either of us, and don't have any interest in forcing a relationship where none exists. I'm just very thrilled at the idea of being on a date with a woman and seeing her giving eyes to my wife, or to me, or both of us, but enjoying that together.

So give me the honest truth: am I seeking something rare enough to qualify as unicorn hunting or do I perhaps squeeze my way into the general poly population on this one?
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  #17  
Old 03-23-2011, 10:14 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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If you wanted her to only commit to you, then yes that would quality. Unicorn hunting is a small subset of poly for the record. .. not a working requirement haha

Welcome to the world of poly ... and enjoy its a fun ride.
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  #18  
Old 03-23-2011, 10:14 PM
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Default unicorn

We feel the same, but I still call it a unicorn, because I don't think it's going to be an easy search.
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  #19  
Old 03-23-2011, 10:19 PM
polynome polynome is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
If you wanted her to only commit to you, then yes that would quality. Unicorn hunting is a small subset of poly for the record. .. not a working requirement haha

Welcome to the world of poly ... and enjoy its a fun ride.
Do you mean commit to my wife and I or commit to me? I guess either way the answer is no, I wouldn't expect anyone who is involved with my wife and/or I to forsake all others. Polyfidelity is something that could conceivably happen for us in the right circumstances but I don't think it very likely.
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  #20  
Old 03-23-2011, 10:22 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polynome View Post
Do you mean commit to my wife and I or commit to me? I guess either way the answer is no, I wouldn't expect anyone who is involved with my wife and/or I to forsake all others. Polyfidelity is something that could conceivably happen for us in the right circumstances but I don't think it very likely.
Then lets just say you are not 100% unicorn hunting. By definition its a committed thing. Thats what makes them so difficult to find. ...

I would still say you are unicorn hunting though, your unicorn isn't as rare as some
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adding a partner, attitude, expectations, love, one penis policy, opp, polyamory, polyfidelity, triad, truth, unicorn, unicorn definition, unicorn hunters, unicorn hunting, unicorns

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