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  #11  
Old 05-29-2012, 02:23 PM
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LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
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Originally Posted by Ignea View Post
Oh, I didn't mean to imply people would be bother by trans issues...It's just that english is not my native language, obviously, so I keep stumbling on what is appropriate (like, what words) and what is not in wich context.
So, if I make some mistake or offend anyone, or make someone uneasy, please tell me...

Also, I'm 23, like I said in my original post.
Oh, duh. Pardon me. Mornings are not my time. I speak no Portugese, so I won't be critical. :P I thought maybe a partner was trans, which does change things.

It doesn't offend me, but I was struggling to understand your unique situation. I think I may grasp it a little better now. (Maybe. Or maybe I'm delusional.)

You say this is the first time you've been in love - Have you dated much outside this relationship? In my experience, the best way to be good at a relationship is lots and lots of practice at being in relationships. Are you dating other people right now?

If you don't want to see others, that's okay. It makes me a little uncomfortable for you these people have already said they're not available emotionally and you're getting attached, but people can and do change their minds.

But don't get your hopes up, and do be honest with them. Remember, five years from now, most of us will have to strain to remember what our current partners look like, so don't put too much stock in the situation. (In anticipation of reactions to this statement, I've already put on a flame retardant suit.) On the other hand, I think situations like this are opportunities to build real intimacy; if not with this couple, then you can take the experience and do it with others.
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  #12  
Old 05-29-2012, 03:21 PM
Nudibranch Nudibranch is offline
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In my view, triads represent no fewer than seven relationships, for in addition to each couple's relationship with each other, there is the triad's relationship...and then each individual's relationship with their own heart and mind.

Ignea, IME this is a good example of "one of those life things" where we know in our hearts that we have to take a stand for ourselves, witnessing to what we're really feeling, being true to our relationship with ourselves...even though our fears or intellect tell us that things could go very badly from a relationship perspective. That is to say, our relationship with one or more of the couples or the triad itself.

If you do find a way to talk about your evolving feelings, and if it goes as badly as you fear, then one thing you will know for sure is that this situation wasn't robust enough to sustain the kind of love you have to offer. That is very hard. Whenever I faced something like that, I always reached back to the fact that, while the external relationships were coming up painfully short of my desires/dreams/essential needs, my relationship with myself was strong. Cherishing that relationship above all things led me to finally find what I always wanted...and while it was a long and sometimes painful haul, and looking back I'm not sure how I did it, it brought me to a place that is so far beyond what I could have dreamed of, most days I walk around giggling like a goofball.
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  #13  
Old 05-30-2012, 12:13 PM
Ignea Ignea is offline
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Originally Posted by LotusesandRoses View Post

But don't get your hopes up, and do be honest with them. Remember, five years from now, most of us will have to strain to remember what our current partners look like, so don't put too much stock in the situation. (In anticipation of reactions to this statement, I've already put on a flame retardant suit.) On the other hand, I think situations like this are opportunities to build real intimacy; if not with this couple, then you can take the experience and do it with others.
To be honest I myself have huge issues with intimacy and tend to be really closed when the situation is about exposing my fears or fragilities.
For example: One day the guy of the couple told me he really likes me. Did I say something back? Nope! I totally freezed... A few seconds later I regreted not saying somethin but arght! That's just me. (like I said, most of the time I feel like a 13 year old)

But I've been trying to slowly work on that. You are totally right about this being a oportunity to gather experience... I've already learned so much about myself and what I want. Even if this end with me heart-broken I don't think I'll regret it.

Thanks everyone for the advices and suport! You are great!
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  #14  
Old 05-30-2012, 12:17 PM
Ignea Ignea is offline
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Originally Posted by Nudibranch View Post
Cherishing that relationship above all things led me to finally find what I always wanted...and while it was a long and sometimes painful haul, and looking back I'm not sure how I did it, it brought me to a place that is so far beyond what I could have dreamed of, most days I walk around giggling like a goofball.
That is truly a goal everyone should have.
Though loving yourself and not depending on others to make you feel worthy of love isn't really easy, is it?
But you are right, really so.
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