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Old 05-28-2012, 04:06 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
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^Good examples! Also, one thing that can also be done in the steak/spaghetti situation is for each to eat what they wanted. Obviously, two different meals then will need to be made, but overall amount of cooking or costs don't need to be increased if both will eat the food they preferred on the next day, as well. This is a pretty good example of a situation where a decision doesn't need to be something concerning both persons. Of course, it is fine if both really want to eat the same food, but sometimes it is not even realised as an option that both just eat what they want.

I look at these things not as compromises, where both advocate for their own preference, but as something where both can think a bit and communicate what they want (not just the thing - steak - but also the possible underlying thing - my partner to listen to me and let me decide what we eat at times). Then both can work to find a solution where both get what they most want or at least close to that.

I guess that comes down to wants, too. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to have a relationship where I dominate and always get what I want, and my partner never. I'd rather have a relationship where both of us are as satisfied as we can be, even if that means that I don't always get everything I may happen to desire.
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boundaries, boundary agreements, boundary negotiation, compromises, compromising, negotiating boundaries

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