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Old 05-27-2012, 11:13 PM
pandabear pandabear is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 12
Default Confused, need opinions

So first I am 34 female and have been married for 13 years. my hubby knew from the time we were dating that I was bisexual. We played around a few times with other girls but he mostly watched. We talked about having threesomes but could never find someone who wanted us both. He is in the military and is deployed often, he told me it would be okay if I were to see someone while he was away and so I started looking. I met this girl that I really like and me and her had an almost instant bond. We met a few times and talked on the phone ALOT, and finally decided that we would like to be intimate. We did, it was wonderful and I was open and honest with my hubby every step of the way. After I told him that we slept together he now says that she needs to sleep with him too or I have to end it with her. He says that I misunderstood his permission and that it was always the arrangement that I was to bring someone back for both of us. I did not understand it this way and he only clarified his stance on that after I told him we were intimate. This has been a very trying week with him going from I have to cut her off completely and acting as if I have had an affair to saying that I should tell her to sleep with him or her and I have to be strictly platonic or he will leave me. He says that he must get something out of my bisexuality or I cannot explore it. I love my husband, I don't want to lose him. I told him that I was honest about this from the very beginning and I feel like he is jsut using this to bring in something that he wants and that his motivation was never to let me explore myself. I feel very hurt that he is acting this way and he claims that I have hurt him by wanting to be with another girl without him. I tried to explain that I cannot fully explore this side of me with him there and that I feel it would be very disrespectful for me to now place ultimatums on her. He doesn't seem to get the fact that demanding sex from her is disrespectful and hurtful to her. I admit to having feelings for her but I don't think they detract from what I feel for him, he just cant wrap his head around this and is threatening to end our marriage over this. I feel like no matter what I do I am going to hurt someone and I am going to lose someone. I want them both, they both fulfill different needs and she knew I was married from that start and is OK with all of it. I don't know what to do now, does anyone have any thoughts or experiences with this?
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