Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 05-27-2012, 05:50 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485
Default My double standards: an honest investigation

I've been thinking a lot about my double standards lately.

I don't like that I have them. I don't like myself when all of a sudden I feel that I have them. But when I'm honest (and really, one of the biggest things that poly has brought to my life, is being honest) I know that yes, here they are. Looking me in the face and telling me I don't judge others like I want to be judged, that things others do to me make me anxious when in fact I JUST did those things to them without thinking about it.

a couple of examples:

I would love it if my boyfriend could spend the night at our house. Not necessarily in the same bed as me, but, in the house.
The thought that my husbands girlfriend would spend the night here with me in the same house (me in bed with my husband, she in another bed) makes me so anxious I can't breathe.

My boyfriend and I said 'I love you' after 3 months. My husband has been with his girlfriend for almost 10 months. He told me yesterday that they have just, recently, like a couple of weeks ago, started to exchange 'I love you' 's. This freaked me out.

I have a husband, and 2 boyfriends. The guy I see the most, and who I am the most emotionally attached to, is single. When I met him he was dating another woman (married, with 2 lovers, he was one of them). She broke up with him a couple of weeks after he and I met. They kept in touch though, and today (after a couple of months) they meet again for the first time. When he told me this I was so happy for him and actually hoped they would get back together. Today? I'm a mess.
Why? I had some awesome sex with my husband. Some loving texts from my other boyfriend. But all I can obsess about is that HE is on a date with HER and that she will probably want him back, on the condition he gives me up, an he will consent, and I will lose him.

Yes, there's a lot of irrational over-dramatizing going on, but what I want to focus on is my double standards when looking at this.

Like I said, I don't like myself when these things come up. I guess it all comes down to jealousy, insecurity, etc. Just when I think I'm in a really good place and things are going well: it's the double standards that are slapping me in the face and telling me I'm not there, oh no not by a long shot.

I guess I'm looking for other peoples experiences with being confronted with their own double standards. Do you accept them? Fight them? talk about them with your partners?
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 07:32 PM.