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Old 05-27-2012, 12:45 PM
Lia's Avatar
Lia Lia is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Pennsyltucky, PA
Posts: 5
Default Conflicted poly-virgin.

Hello everyone!

First, I must say that this forum is very informative! It would have saved me years of confusion had I found this site sooner.

Now that's out of the way. I'm Lia. I'm 31, a wife, mother of a young son, and super cat lover. I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for 8. My husband has always known about my bi-sexuality. He also knows that I don't want just sex with women but an emotional bond, so he is strongly against an open marriage (correct term? I'm still new to this. ). I feel conflicted because while I love my husband very much and want to stay married I am severely unhappy. I feel that I am depriving myself of who I really am. I am a very sexual person, but I love hard. This has led to much confusion in my single life before my husband. I have had many sexual partners, male and female, and my husband knows all of this; I hold no secrets from him. Two of my partners became regulars and I developed feelings for them. I was confused as to why I felt this way, I knew we were just hooking up for sex. I told them how I felt and they turned me down, one even called me a "whore". I never said I wanted to be his wife or girlfriend, but that I wanted more than just sex. I never felt like a whore, I felt liberated and independent but the men I was loving didn't see it that way. My single years were spent lonely, yet sexually gratified.

I met my husband and I thought I found what I needed. I never told him candidly how I felt about exploring relationships with other people until recently. He is only open to the idea of another woman...together. I don't want that. I want to be able to be with other people with or without him. I also get the impression that he doesn't really want to have threesomes for our collective pleasure, but his own gratification in getting back at me for his feelings of not being enough for me. He doesn't get it, I guess he's too proud. It has nothing to do with him. I told him that before I met him that I was with multiple people simultaneously, albeit only sexually, and it felt right for me.

I'm sorry for rambling, but that felt good to get out. I have no friends that share my feelings or lifestyle.

Lia >''<
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