Will I ever be happy again?

[MindfulAgony]

Originally Posted by TraciJO

To answer some questions:

After doing a LOT of reading and soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that I need a poly relationship in order to be emotionally and sexually fufilled. My husband may choose to stay mono (which I understand complicates matters and makes jealousy more difficult to manage), but I need him to "open the door to the cage" and let me be free to love another person. If he can do that, I think we have hope. But I know that's asking a lot of him too.

I hear you but I think you missed what I intended to be the major point of my post. It doesn't seem that non-monogamy will solve the kinds of things you were dealing with in your initial post. May be a piece of the puzzle. But, don't forget to look for the other pieces of the puzzle that are still scattered on the table. It is easy to be seduced by the raw excitement of new relationships and, as a result, fail to do the hard work necessary for a sustainable joyful life.

[LotusesandRoses]

You absolutely can be happy again, and you can be happy with your husband - Whether that's a mono relationship, a poly one, or whatever.

I love being a poly person. I have a great poly partner, and today went on a great date with a couple. And that's a luxury. It's not a need. Not dating multiple people will not tear your soul apart.

You keep talking about the attention, and maybe if you clarify to your husband what your needs are, for the attention, not necessarily the partner(s), you may find that sates you. Marriage comes first. I know some poly people disagree, but I personally believe in the power of one's word and commitment.

Being mono should not force you to be on antidepressants, and extramarital sexual behavior will not cure depression. It's no different than using alcohol, drugs, or food to deal with those feelings. Something else is amiss here , and before you make any life changes, you need to focus on your mental and relationship health.

[FigNewtonian]

Originally Posted by LotusesandRoses

You absolutely can be happy again, and you can be happy with your husband - Whether that's a mono relationship, a poly one, or whatever.

I love being a poly person. I have a great poly partner, and today went on a great date with a couple. And that's a luxury. It's not a need. Not dating multiple people will not tear your soul apart.

You keep talking about the attention, and maybe if you clarify to your husband what your needs are, for the attention, not necessarily the partner(s), you may find that sates you. Marriage comes first. I know some poly people disagree, but I personally believe in the power of one's word and commitment.

Being mono should not force you to be on antidepressants, and extramarital sexual behavior will not cure depression. It's no different than using alcohol, drugs, or food to deal with those feelings. Something else is amiss here , and before you make any life changes, you need to focus on your mental and relationship health.

This is a brilliant reply. I kinda want to hug LotusesandRoses.

[idealist]

You are definitely in the right place! There are a lot of people here who are willing to share their thoughts and experiences with you.

These are my two cents:

Your husband wouldn't be so jealous of you if he was having his own fulfilling experiences.

I would suggest that you spend some time and energy on finding a couple you two can be with where he feels chemistry with the woman. This will give him a chance to feel things from the perspective you are at right now.

It is a bit selfish for one partner to ask their spouse to continue seeing a couple and having sex with a person that they are not really into.

There are so many awesome couples available. When we joined SLS over 2 years ago, we had 14 first dates with 14 different couples in 3 months.

Our objective is to pursue this lifestyle so that it is fulfilling for both of us. We keep that in mind as we move through it.

It would be to your advantage to put your own needs and desires aside for a while and let him have some fulfilling experiences for a while. Once he is having his own experiences - hopefully the two of you will continue to get closer and your sexual relationship will continue to improve