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Old 05-26-2012, 12:43 AM
Etherealgirl's Avatar
Etherealgirl Etherealgirl is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
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Default My husband thinks he is poly? How can I tell?

Hi I am new here and came here for your advise, and thoughts. I apologize in advance cause this might be a long post. I have been married to my husband for 11 yrs now, and around 4 or 5 years ago we started to grow apart. The marriage got stale. We do have an age gap. MY husband was having trouble talking to me about his issues, his fantasies, and it sent our relationship into a downward spiral. I should note that he did suffer abuse as a child which he has been told by a counselor is part of what troubles him, but who knows. He started to act differently. We both thought maybe it was because of our age difference, and we both were convinced it was time to split up and end our marriage. MY husband continued to deal with a lot of issues, wants, desires, and got very depressed and suicidal. He started seeing another woman, and it grew into a sexual relationship. This was about 2 years ago and it is still ongoing. He tried many times to end it, and did lie to me about it, manipulate and keep me from knowing everything that was going on. I now know everything, it has been a rough road. We spent hours, days, weeks, months talking about our life and he has come to the conclusion that he is poly amorous. He claims he still loves me and is still in love with me and nothing has change, but he loves this other person as well, and with all his issues he has, he finds this other person helps full-fill some of his many needs for love and attention. I should mention that she is bi sexual, and recently split up with her female partner, and my husband has told me that he was initially attracted to her because she told him she liked woman, and one of his fantasies involves 2 woman, and his intention was to bring me into this to full fill this desire he has. But he got caught up in the emotions of it all, and lost sight of his goal. He has since regained some control back in his life, and wants me to explore this poly lifestyle, which I have agreed to do, and he says he does not want to loose me, but says if I can't join him in the lifestyle, maybe we need to move on. So some Questions I have: How do i get past the hurt, the lies and the resentment I have for this other woman. I do know her by the way, I used to work with her, she was my boss. It feels like we should of been more friendly and open right from the get go for this to work properly, which was not the case. I have agreed to go to some meetings in my area with him, to see what it is all about, But I am struggling with the concept of trying to make this work with her. It does not feel right, okay i will leave it at that....

Last edited by Etherealgirl; 05-26-2012 at 12:49 AM.
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